step 3

步驟 3







第三步：瞭解客戶溝通的內容並讓他們知道 清算溝通週期的第三步包括清除者執行的兩個動作：1）理解客戶所說的話和2）讓客戶知道

他們已經理解了。這是直截了當的，但要正確實現它，又有令人驚訝的陷阱需要避免。

如果客戶不知道他們被聽到和理解，即使他們是，進展也會減慢並最終停止。他們正在付出很多努力和善意來遵守指示，如果他們開始不確定他們是否真的被理解，或者如果Clearer似乎對他們正在共同做的事情所付出的努力有點隨意，那麼客戶最終將停止合作。他們可能會持續一段時間，因為他們想建立良好的關係，但會議會惡化。必須



準確地承認該人在遵守所給予的特定指示時所說的話。

越是有經驗的“清晰”，這一點就越清晰，因為不理解的人會感到不穩定。在任何一種情況下，清除者都需要對客戶說他們沒有聽到或不理解。他們需要要求客戶重複他們所說的話或更全面地解釋，直到清除者瞭解合規性。然後，清除者必須清楚地向客戶表明他們已經理解了。

我記得有一次我真的很累，分心了。我飄忽不定地想著我試圖處理的一些建築工作。這隻是幾秒鐘，但我真的離開了房間。我看著我的客戶，但那幾個節拍沒有看到她。當我回過頭來時，她正看著我，顯然說了一些重要的話。她淚流滿面地說：「我以前從未意識到我媽媽。我感覺很糟糕。我意識到我錯過了一些潛在的大事。我感到羞愧，我猶豫了。我不想承認我沒有聽到，但我知道我必須這樣做，否則我們會繼續下去，這將是一場鬧劇。所以我說，『對不起，我沒有明白，請你再說一遍。我想她有點驚訝，因為我通常很警覺，但她又說了一遍，我明白了，謝天謝地，我做到了。在這一點上，會議確實有點搖擺不定，我們可能需要幾分鐘才能再次獲得信任，但如果我放手並假裝我聽到了她的話，情況會更糟。



Clearer應該避免說客戶的回答或解釋他們所說的話。這可能非常誘人，看起來無害，甚至積極有説明。這是一些談話療法的常見方式，並在這些框架內宣導完全連貫的原因。但最好不要在這裡這樣做。向客戶重複一些事情，即使你只是和他們一起檢查他們所說的話，也是有風險的。太容易犯錯了。即使是一個不合適的詞或不正確的強調也可能向客戶


發出你
沒有理解它們的信號。這樣做的結果可能是不得不對 r 進行維修興高采烈。

有時，客戶傳達了一些不清楚的東西，而更清晰的人可能會認為他們正在幫助重複它，但更清楚。這是一個錯誤。即使Clearer是對的，它也已經成為客戶的洞察力，如果Clearer以更好的形式為他們重複它，客戶從自己那裡獲得並從中學習的機會就會減少。

馬克辛真的在為她的人生目標而掙扎，並試圖說出是什麼給了她一種意義感。她談論了很多她小時候喜歡的東西，包括陶器，以及她成年後上過的陶藝課，以及她喜歡手上的感覺和她可以工作的表情的方式。

珍妮特關注著這一切，並在必要時提示馬克辛。當馬克辛表達了她以前從未告訴過任何人的快樂時，這在某些地方非常情緒化，珍妮特非常投入。所以有一次，當馬克辛試圖用她的雙手說出她的創造力以及她是誰時，她認為她在幫助馬克辛，並說：“我明白你在說什麼，你是個陶藝家。但馬克辛看著她，相當震驚：「不，這根本不是我的意思。我不在乎我這輩子是否再也不會做任何陶器，這不是我要說的。珍妮特意識到她一直在得出自己的結論，並在馬克辛的嘴裡說了一些話，這些話與她真正想要探索和解釋的東西相去甚遠。



也許更誘人的是，當Clearer認為他們可以看到客戶在他們的案件中缺少的一個關鍵點，並試圖告訴他們。雖然在少數情況下這樣做可能會有所説明，但不說什麼要安全得多。首先，Clearer很容易出錯，這將向客戶發出信號，表明他們根本不被理解。最好，也可能更通常是正確的，假設一個人對人們案件的原因有誤。即使清澈者是對的，也不行說出來。如果Clearer對客戶的案例有洞察力並告訴他們，它就會剝奪客戶自己的過程和他們對自己情況的理解的發展



。Clearer也可能過於超前於客戶自己的理解，這隻會導致混亂。

我在一個客戶合作時犯了一個錯誤。他很難與前妻接觸他們的孩子，在我看來，這似乎很明顯，他責怪她，在許多情況下，他主要是自己發起的事情。例如，他告訴我她是多麼的控制欲和困難，但是當他談到自己的行為和他對婚姻的期望時，我可以看到他非常控制自己。

我們花了很多精力與她溝通，就好像她在場一樣，多年的苦澀堆積起來。他偶爾會表達自己的遺憾，並談論她是一個好母親，但這隻是憤怒引發的指責交流中的時刻。我意識到他必須這樣做才能繼續前進，所以我們談論了這件事，他意識到他有很多需要表達的挫敗感。然而，一些麻煩是E實際上並沒有練習談論他實際如何體驗生活，所以這一切都是向外的。在一次會議結束時，我建議他看一本關於親密關係中溝通的書。我以為他會從那裡的資訊中得到一些東西，他認為這是一個好主意。但在我們下一次會議前一周，我收到了他的一封電子郵件。他感謝我的推薦，但說這本書對他沒有好處。他已經很善於溝通了;是他的前妻需要做得更好。

我意識到我犯了錯誤。我原以為他的情況至少部分清楚，但事實並非如此。最後，我認為我既是對的，也是錯的。他確實需要更好地真正傳達他在人際關係中發生的事情，他確實在這方面有所改進。但我也沒有足夠認真地對待他釋放憤怒和痛苦的真正需要。我不尊重他，認為我最瞭解他，並意識到我一直在幽默他。當我放棄這個時，感覺我們真的開始一起工作，他開始



敞開心扉，講述他對婚姻失敗的絕望以及這對他意味著什麼。



對於客戶來說，知道他們想要傳達的內容並傳達這一點是關鍵。為他們做這件事無濟於事。看起來似乎令人憤怒的是，他們懸在一個巨大的啟示的邊緣，而清除者可能渴望揭示它。他們可能是正確的，知道它可能會改變客戶的生活，但如果為他們完成工作，他們需要更長的時間才能獲得並擁有它。Clearer可能處於正確的位置，但客戶有自己的說話方式，重要的是要這樣做。

向客戶解釋合規性太接近於評估他們所傳達的內容。要求合規的任務旨在提高客戶的聯繫能力並更清楚地了解他們的想法。正確判斷他們需要說什麼或將要說什麼或已經說過什麼無濟於事，也不是重點。他們不會因為任何試圖重複他們對他們說過的話而學到任何東西，他們可能會失去一些東西。如果Clearer不確定客戶說了什麼，他們應該要求他們重複一遍，即使冒著看起來很愚蠢或不聽的風險。他們會變得更清楚，甚至可能學到更多的東西，更清晰的人也會變得更清楚，而不必事後猜測他們或冒犯錯誤的風險。如果擔心他們可能會發現被要求重複它很煩人，那麼應該解釋原因。了解為什麼要做某事的人通常很樂意繼續。

清算溝通週期的四個步驟是：

1.清除者向客戶傳達清晰的想法。

2. 客戶按照要求去做。

3. 客戶回應並傳達遵守指示或回答問題的結果。

4. 更清晰的人傾聽、理解並明確表示這已經完成。


在思維清除進度中使用清除

通信週期不會由只是說話和講故事的人發生。那不行。它必須是回應你並遵循你的指示的結果。這就是解開生活的結，解開頭腦中的懸念。它很漂亮。14

遵循清晰的溝通週期會帶來真正的進步，因為它將兩個人之間的明確理解付諸實踐並使其具體化。這就是導致重大轉變並溶解思想的魔力。

無需評估或診斷用戶端。如果清算溝通週期應用良好，客戶將自己完成所有需要的評估。當然，對客戶進行一些評估對於決定與他們合作以及如何工作是不可避免的和必要的。一個人需要善於評估才能擅長頭腦清醒，但這仍然不是將客戶診斷為一種類型;這不是有説明的。

在清算會話中，重點是完成清算溝通週期，並幫助該人傳達被扣留的內容以及他們所有異常行為實際上以扭曲的形式說的話。因此，內容很重要，以至於人們發現很難傳達它。

在頭腦清除中有一些特定的方法來處理問題領域，例如抑鬱，創傷，邊界違規，當前問題和關係問題。在這些領域內，必須保持週期清晰，作為説明的引擎。然而，重點仍然是個人及其表達自己、通過內容和儘管內容的能力。這是許多談話療法的重點的重要轉變，並且與哲學立場密切相關，即有一個我們可以而且必須與之合作的人。

將溝通過程分解為各個組成部分，並確保每個組成部分都得到滿足，這是清算的一個重要説明方面。儘管用技巧執行它涉及許多微妙之處，


但這個迴圈中的核心是重複的，直到客戶能夠與他人交流而不需要替代的想法和行為。在尋找順從並學會將它們清楚地傳達給真正想知道的人時，頭腦開始消解，因為它存在的原因開始分崩離析。

這個迴圈指向並加強個人。通過必須找到可以做觀察工作的人，客戶必須開始向內看，以便從他們的穩定點向外看。許多人需要仔細指導如何看，但這得益於 Clearer 針對個人並保持周期清潔。通過這種方式，心靈清除通過找到一個槓桿點來轉移思想的品質。




The third step: understanding what the client has communicated and letting them know

The third step in the clearing communication cycle consists of two actions performed by the Clearer: 1) understanding what the client has said and 2) letting the client know they have understood. This is straightforward but, once more, there are a surprising number of pitfalls to be avoided for it to be properly achieved.

If the client does not know they were heard and understood, even if they were, progress will slow down and finally stop. They are putting a lot of effort and goodwill into complying with the instructions and, if they start to be uncertain as to whether they are really being understood, or if the Clearer seems a bit offhand about the effort they are putting into what they are doing together, then the client will stop co-operating eventually. They may well carry on for a while because they want to have good relations, but sessions will deteriorate. It must



be acknowledged precisely what the person said in complying with the particular instruction given.

The more experienced a Clearer is, the more this becomes clear because a non-understanding will feel wonky. In either case the Clearer will need to say to the client that they did not hear or did not understand. They will need to ask the client to repeat what they said or explain it more fully until the Clearer understands the compliance. The Clearer must then indicate to the client, clearly, that they have understood.

I remember a time when I was really tired and distracted giving a session. I drifted off with a thought about something I was trying to handle around some building work I was having done. This was just for a couple of seconds, but I was really gone from the room. I was looking at my client but wasn’t seeing her for those few beats. And when I snapped back, she was looking at me and had clearly said something of import. She was tearful and said, ‘I never realised that before about my mum. I feel terrible.’ And I realised I’d missed some potentially huge thing. I was mortified, and I hesitated. I hated to admit I hadn’t heard it, but I knew I had to or we’d carry on and it would be a farce. So I said something like, ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t get that, would you repeat it please.’ I think she was a bit surprised, as I’m usually pretty alert, but she said it again and I got it, and thank goodness I did. The session did wobble a bit at that point, and it took us probably a few minutes to secure that trust again, but it would have been a whole lot worse had I just let it go and pretended I’d heard her.



The Clearer should avoid saying the client’s responses back to them or paraphrasing what they have said. This can be very tempting to do and seems so harmless or even actively helpful. It is a common way of proceeding in some talk therapies and advocated for perfectly coherent reasons within those frameworks. But it is better not to do it here. Repeating something back to a client, even if you are just checking out with them what they said, is risky. It is too easy to be wrong. Even one word out of place or an incorrect emphasis may signal to the client you



have not understood them. The result of this could be having to make repairs to the relationship.

Sometimes a client communicates something unclearly and the Clearer may think they are being helpful in repeating it back, but more clearly. This is a mistake. Even if the Clearer is right, it has become the client’s insight and if the Clearer repeats it for them in better shape, there is less chance of the client sourcing it from themselves and learning from it.

Maxine was really struggling with some stuff around her purpose in life and trying to say what it was that gave her a sense of meaning. She was talking a lot about the things she’d enjoyed as a child, including pottery, and the pottery classes she had taken as an adult and the way she liked the feel in her hands and the expression with which she could work.

Janet was following all of this and prompting Maxine as necessary. It was quite emotional in places as Maxine expressed pleasures she had never told anyone about before and Janet was very engaged. So at one point, when Maxine was trying to say something about her creativity with her hands and what that said about who she was, she thought she was helping Maxine and said, ‘I understand what you’re saying, you’re a potter.’ But Maxine looked at her, quite shocked: ‘No, that’s not what I mean at all. I don’t care if I never do any pottery again in my life, that’s not what I’m saying.’ Janet realised she had been drawing her own conclusions and had put words into Maxine’s mouth that were quite a distance from what she was actually trying to explore and explain.



Perhaps even more tantalising is when the Clearer thinks they can see a key point the client is missing about their case and is tempted to tell them. While in a small minority of cases it may help to do so, it is far safer not to say anything. First, the Clearer could easily be wrong and this will signal to the client that they are not understood at all. It is best, and probably more usually correct, to assume one is wrong about the causes of people’s cases. Even if the Clearer is right, it is not OK to say it. If the Clearer has an insight about the client’s case and tells them, it robs the client of their own process and the development of their



own understanding about their situation. The Clearer may also be too far ahead of the client’s own understanding and it will simply lead to confusion.

I made a mistake working with one client. He was having difficulties dealing with his ex-wife over access to their children and it seemed so obvious to me that he was blaming her for what were, in many instances, things he had mostly initiated himself. He told me how controlling and difficult she was, for instance, but when he spoke about his own behaviour and what he had expected of the marriage, I could see that he was very controlling himself.

We worked a lot with communicating to her as though she was present and there were years of bitterness stacked up. He occasionally expressed his regrets and talked about her being a good mother, but these were just moments in what was otherwise an anger-fuelled communication of blame. I realised he had to do this before he could move on, so we talked about it and he recognised that he was holding on to a lot of frustration that needed to be expressed. Some of the trouble, however, was that he was actually not practised at talking about how he actually experienced life, so it was all directed outwards. At the end of one session I suggested he look at a book that deals with communication in intimate relationships. I thought he would get something out of the information in there, and he thought this was a good idea. But during the week before our next session, I got an email from him. He thanked me for the recommendation but said the book was no good for him. He was already good at communicating; it was his ex-wife who needed to get better at it.

I realised the mistake I’d made. I had assumed his case was at least partly clear to him, but it wasn’t at all. In the end, I think I was both right and wrong. He did need to get better at really communicating what was going on for him in relationships and he did improve at this. But I had also not taken seriously enough his real need to discharge his anger and pain. I had disrespected him in thinking I knew best and realised I had been humouring him. As soon as I dropped this, it felt like we really began



to work together and he started to open up about how desperate he felt about the marriage failing and what it meant to him.



It is key for the client to know what they want to communicate and to get that across. Doing it for them will not help. It might seem infuriatingly obvious that they are hanging on the edge of a huge revelation and the Clearer might be itching to reveal it. They might be correct and it might change the client’s life to know it, but it will take them much longer to get it and own it if the work is done for them. The Clearer might be in the right ballpark, but clients have their own way of saying things, and it is important to go with that.

Paraphrasing a compliance back to the client is too close to evaluating what they have communicated. The task of asking for a compliance is designed to improve the client’s ability to relate and become clearer about what they think. Being right about what they need to say or are going to say or have said does not help and is not the point. They will learn nothing by anyone trying to repeat what they have said back to them, and they might lose something. If the Clearer is not sure about what the client said, they should ask them to repeat it, even at the risk of seeming to be stupid or not to have been listening. They will get clearer and maybe even learn something more, and the Clearer will also get clearer without having to second-guess them or risk making an error. If the fear is they might find it irritating to be asked to repeat it, then the reason should be explained. People who understand why something is being done are usually happy to continue.

The four steps of the clearing communication cycle are:

1. The Clearer gets a clear thought across to the client.

2. The client does what is asked of them.

3. The client responds and communicates the results of complying with the instruction or responding to the question.

4. The Clearer listens, understands and makes it clear that this has been done.


Using the clearing communication cycle in Mind Clearing

Progress does not take place by the person just talking and telling stories. That won’t do it. It has to be the result of responding to you and following your instruction. That is what untangles the knots of life, the hang-ups in the mind. It is beautiful.14

Following the clearing communication cycle makes for real progress because it puts into steps explicit understanding between two people and makes it concrete. This is the magic that makes for significant shifts and dissolves the mind.

There is no need to assess or diagnose the client. If the clearing communication cycle is applied well, the client will do all the assessment needed themselves. Some assessment of the client is, of course, unavoidable and necessary for deciding what to work on with them and how to do so. A person needs to be good at assessing in order to be good at Mind Clearing, but it is still not about diagnosing the client as a type; that is not what helps.

Within a Clearing session the focus is on completing clearing communication cycles and helping the person communicate what has been withheld and what all their aberrant behaviours are actually saying in distorted form. So content matters to the extent the person finds it hard to communicate it.

There are specific ways within Mind Clearing to approach problem areas, such as depression, trauma, boundary violations, current problems and relationship issues. Within those areas, the cycles must be kept clear as the engine of the help. The focus, however, remains on the individual and their ability to get themselves across, through and despite the content. This is an important shift in emphasis from many talk therapies, and goes hand in hand with the philosophical position that there is an individual with whom we can and must work.

Breaking the communication process into its component parts and seeing that each one is fulfilled is a vital helping aspect of Clearing. Though there are many subtleties involved in carrying it out with skill,


what is going on at the core in this cycle is repeated until the client is able to communicate to others without the need of substitute ideas and behaviours. In finding compliances and learning to deliver them clearly to someone who really wants to know, the mind starts to dissolve because the reason for it being there begins to come apart.

The cycle points to and strengthens the individual. By having to locate the one who can do the work of looking, the client has to start looking in, in order to look out from their point of stability. Many people need careful instruction simply in how to look, but this is helped by the Clearer addressing the individual and keeping the cycles clean. In this way, Mind Clearing shifts the mass of mind by finding a point of leverage.