自己動手清理頭腦
我們需要 説明在 深度 層面上處理 思想，因為 思想始於關係，必須在那個領域內解決。 獨自一人，我們很可能在某個階段被頭腦欺騙。清理溝通週期解決了我們取得重大進展所需的 內容。然而，我們可以 自己 做 很多 事情，瞭解 頭腦清醒的原則，再加上一些個人的 學科。 這需要 大量的 承諾，但可以
有價值，尤其是 當與頭腦清理會議或 正念冥想練習。以下是一些 可以通過 自己 動手清除頭腦來解決的問題示例 。
思考對立面
當我們開始更加意識到 我們的思想結構 和我們可能被鎖定的固定態度 時，那麼 也許可以 做一些工作 通過個人態度工作來解開它們。當我們處於一種狀態的中間時 的心，15 那麼特別難把它看作是 心的一個 方面。 一個國家的本質，由與之相關 的態度來定義， 是它 當我們身處其中時，對我們來說似乎是真實的。因此，例如，如果我 被 一個事件觸發進入 我的 的態度 別人不理解我，然後我的整個存在與之產生共鳴 州。我相信它並據此採取行動。然而，我們為識別和糾正態度所做的工作越多 ， 我們就越 有可能開始意識到 這種態度和狀態。 此刻。 那麼，在某個 時候，我可能處於一種別人 不理解 我的狀態，這感覺完全真實 和真實，同時也認識到這 實際上是我滑入的一種態度。 在這種時候，也許可以花一些時間 單獨練習一些 態度清理，與 離開 國家的想法 。 下面是 執行此操作的兩個 範例。
約翰：我是 好撒瑪利亞人，還是那些會從另一邊經過的人之一？我不喜歡 有組織的宗教，但無論如何，這個問題過去經常出現。我會 做了好事，但我不是做了更多的壞事嗎？而且不是很好嗎 我做過的事情沒有資格，因為它 適合我做，使我 成為一個壁櫥的精神病患者，最終完全自私？我不太認為我是 其中之一; 然而，當我接受心理治療培訓並遇到精神病測試時， 我忍不住勾選方框來計算自己的評分。 我沒有 資格，但我 繼續考慮。
這個問題很晚了。我們三個孩子都認識我們的母親 對人的好壞有一種絕對正確的本能——她曾經有過這種本能 用來證明禁止 新朋友 踏入 房子是正當的
因為她 瞬間將他置於線的黑暗面。 她稍微微妙地把我放在了一起。 '雄性 這個家庭世代交替，“她說。“他們去好-壞-好-壞等等。好吧，你的父親 祖父是個壞人。
當我練習的時候 通常，這個問題並不完全是日常問題，但它 仍然存在
——足以讓我有一天去 散步時突然出現 。而且沒有意識 開始這樣做時，我發現自己在思考相反的東西：記住時代 當我做了好事的時候，然後當我做了壞事的時候，來來回回， 來來回回，來來回 回; 還 編造 好的撒瑪利亞人場景進行實驗 有好的和壞的反應。
但我發現的是，多麼武斷 事實證明，將好行為與壞行為分開！我在理智上知道這 經常（總是？ 案件， 哲學家可以辯論權利 有些事情永遠是錯誤的。現在現實是有形的：決定 什麼是好是壞，真的取決於我。
我堅持這個過程，沿著河邊走，太陽照在我的身上 回來，好到壞，好到壞...然後突然間，我好是壞的 整個概念襲擊了我 太荒謬了，以至於我笑了（還好我們住在一個僻靜的地方 斑點）。不僅對我的行為的評估是好是壞取決於我，我如何根據這種評估採取行動也取決於我。而且，有了那個 自覺，我本質上是好或壞的整個概念 蒸發。
我什至 不介於兩者 之間。 我都不是
——甚至沒有 規模。 那麼 ，這讓我在實際的日常生活中處於什麼位置呢？它讓我有 負責決定如何行動以及我對自己的感覺。
我們可以自己 做很多 工作。 這是 另一個例子：
洛娜：我感覺很糟糕。似乎什麼都沒有 感覺對。 我被 對過去的遺憾和對未來的焦慮所困擾。什麼 似乎更糟糕的是我住在一個完美的地方。我可以看 從我臥室的窗戶到一個大湖，發出秋色的光芒。 潛鳥令人難以忘懷的 叫聲
淩晨回蕩在水面上，天空是 清脆的藍色。我被愛和照顧，眼前只有美麗 和我身邊的朋友;然而一切，一切， 看起來淒涼，失落和糟糕。
有一次我淩晨4點醒來，我的心砰砰直跳，感覺比 曾經，失望嘮叨著我，對水面上的月光麻木，而我 坐起來，想著我必須處理這件事。如果這種狀態“一切都是 壞'不會玷污我每一個醒著的時間，睡眠 時間，鑒於我生動的夢境，那麼我 將不得不 在那裡 解決 它。 所以我 坐下來 考慮相反，只是“一切都是好的”和“一切都是壞的”。我沒有通過記憶來了解這些狀態，只是一個 想法，或者有時是一種好的感覺，然後壞，好， 然後壞。 壞很容易; 它是如此 熟悉，一種灰色的， 沉重的感覺。 好更難，離我不是那麼近，我努力去獲得“好”態度的想法。 但我 做到了。 我 沒想到我會 一無所獲，但最終我睡著了。
第二天早上，我醒來時看到了一個不同的世界。這不好， 也不壞。 它本身 ，我可以 享受它。就好像一部灰色的電影 從一切中移除，我可以 自由 地享受它， 或者不享受，在普通人中 道路。 一種非常普通的方式。 從那以後 ，我的 與那種狀態的終身關係，“一切都不好”，已經不同了。 它沒有消失，但我知道不是我。
業力清除
內疚或業力是非常有用的東西 被單獨看待。這是我們在很大程度上對自己隱瞞的事情。 對別人隱瞞是有的，但對自己隱瞞 才是 真正的把戲; 我們把自己打 結 試圖蠕動 出於做了違背 我們內在標準的事情的糟糕感覺。 所以 力量 拿著紙和筆坐下來，寫下 我們認為我們做了而不應該 做的事情， 以及 我們 沒有 做到的事情，是一項 重大任務。 這是一項 令人驚訝地難以 完成的任務 ，但它可以帶來巨大的解脫。 業力清除需要的是，我們充分認識到什麼 我們已經 做了 我們覺得的事情 壞。一旦我們獨自 完成並 允許自己 體驗
那種“壞”，通常伴隨著身體的感覺，那麼我們就會 更自由。 如果我們能 告訴別人，那就 更好了。
雷切爾：在 在我的清算會議結束時，我的清算人建議我繼續進行 業力清除並解釋了如何做到這一點。我以為這很容易， 特別是當我在飛機回來之前 ，我在一家沒有人認識我的酒店裡獨處了一段時間。 我 有一個想法，我可以坐下來，投入一個 否則，空蕩蕩的晚上會做一些積極的事情，然後結束它。但是當我 拿著筆和紙坐下，我認出了我面對的是什麼：我！我有 一半認為，在與我的 Clearer 的會議中，很大一部分 很難想出我做過的事情，我感覺不好，因為我 不想告訴她，因為她可能會怎麼看我而感到羞愧。 但我發現我甚至不想告訴自己。話就在那裡， 一開始徘徊在 遙不可及的地方，但我 不得不 強迫自己把它們寫下來。 我 寫了一些小東西，但我知道還有更多。所以我更加努力地嘗試 寫了一些關於在大學里欺騙男朋友的事情。這很困難，因為我 對此感到非常可怕 ，並一直試圖 證明 它，甚至對我一個人在 那個房間里。 即使當我寫它時，我也知道它只是一個 部分真相。很難把這一切寫下來，承認我做了什麼 給自己，把它放在頁面上，這樣我就可以白紙黑字地閱讀它。它是 實際上，這是一種奇怪的經歷，看到我與自己如此衝突。 當我終於把這些事情寫下來時，我經歷了巨大的悲傷——所有我感到難過 的事情，都沒有 說出來。 我最終做不了很長時間，可能 只需20分鐘。但結果是我感到清醒，更真實。
“與他人溝通 ”
頭腦是由失敗的溝通組成的。 另一種做法我們 一個人能獲得一些成功就是大聲和別人說話，就好像他們是 目前。同樣，我們可能需要在會議中取得一些成功。 要單獨看到成功，就像清除業力一樣，要長期 做到這一點 是很困難的。 但我們可以 得到相當大的解脫。 這是
特別是如果我們 與他人有 良好的聯繫感或 神聖。
這裡要說的是 我們沒有 大聲說的話。我們需要 想像這個人與我們 同在，並接受我們要說的話，無論它是什麼。 然後說出來; 說出你真正想 說的話，沒有說的話，被壓抑 和壓抑的話。 我們可以充分做到這一點的程度是 我們將在多大程度上清除這些未完成的通信。這是 被稱為“與他人交流”。
莫莉：我嘗試過幾次 與他人交流 ，它説明我與我 可能無法獲得的情況保持 距離。 特別是有一次，我一個人在房子里，意識到 工作中的一個困難情況在我腦海中轉了一圈又一圈，我對 幾個 人很生氣 。 涉及。 所以我 開始 大聲和他們說話。 我在會議中對此進行了一些練習，所以我 放鬆了下來，決定不 審查我所說的話， 而只是 說出來。 在幾次 錯誤的開始之後，我對 自己身上 散發的激情 感到驚訝。這當然有助於這種情況和 我覺得更能適應工作中的情況 環境並與那些人打交道。
休閒連接
另一個 我們可以 單獨處理的領域是頭腦中的 偶然聯繫。16 有了正念，自動 頭腦在它歸類為相似的想法之間建立的聯繫可能會被打破。這將獲得一定的 從自動思維中解放出來，相應地澄清頭腦。更複雜的連線 也可以 自行解除 通過意識到聯繫來充分的紀律和時間。 通過這樣做，將自己的發現傳達給願意 聽取它們的人可能是有用的 ， 隨著一個人 對思想的深入，就越有可能 產生 與 那些連接。 但是， 可以 單獨復原連線的自動性 。
一種試驗方法 這是為了處理一些在 腦海中不斷盤旋 的東西，也許是一首歌或一個重複的想法。
模式。將其用作冥想並逐步複習 步。不要期待任何特別的事情，並對那裡的東西持開放態度。跟隨 感覺粘稠和帶電的區域。 也許 你會發現你抗拒去看 它的一小部分 ，所以對它持開放態度 區域並保持 開放。 按照連接，您很有可能找到關鍵連接。它可能只是彈出和原因 重複將是 有意識的，你會發現 你的選擇。
簡：我試過了 這和音樂。我經常有一首歌或曲調留在我的腦海裡，所以我試著處理 把它作為一個偶然的聯繫，看看它是否屬實。我有一點 安魂曲 兜兜 轉轉了好幾天，所以我決定 停下來 看看 。 我 一個人 在散步 當時，我突然被腦海中這種重複的聲音激怒了，分散了我對春天鄉村的注意力。 所以我躺在草地上，離小路有點遠，關閉了 我的眼睛，真的聽著音樂。我一遍又一遍地“聽” 每個音符。我找到了！這不是一件大事，但我 意識到 了一個小障礙 在我的內部音響系統中，一點音樂的結束和 整個事情立即重新開始。我不認為這實際上是如何 安魂曲去了，但在我的腦海裡，它只是在這個迴圈中不斷迴圈。我讀過 手冊中伯納談到這種事情的那一點，我沒有 有他描述的相同經歷。我沒有注意到最後是否有一個音符 和一開始一樣，或者類似的東西，但正如我聽的 結束以及它如何回到起點，連接解體了。和 就是這樣。我有這種選擇的感覺 。 我可以選擇 是否聽音樂，但我選擇不聽。
人員清理
有時人們在我們的腦海裡轉了 一圈又一圈。 關於我們的一些東西很粘 與這些人的關係。我們對他們生氣，或者對某事感到難過， 我們會想到 他們。 我們可以 為此做點什麼。 獨自與人 打交道 需要 專注。溝通 大聲說出來可以起作用，但將它們放在我們的意識中並允許自己 體驗它們。我們已經堅持 或抵制了他們， 所以這不是
一定舒適 或容易做到。這 我們抵制的東西往往在深層次上受到抵制，所以保持我們的 關注它們可能是一項艱苦的工作。但是當它完成時，甚至在一定程度上，那麼 與那個人的關係 可能會得到緩解。 下面是 一個示例：
梅蘭妮：我在一個住宅工作室里 和理查有過短暫 的調情，我知道我 有點迷戀他。我不想有一個 與他的關係，但我感到尷尬和憤怒的混合， 身邊背叛，不喜歡想起他，所以盡力把 他從我腦海中消失 了。 我在這方面做得很好 ，特別是因為我們的道路沒有 交叉很多。但是當我知道他要參加一個我要去的會議時， 我對此感到越來越焦慮。
前一天晚上我知道我會見面 他，我躺在床上， 擔心 得睡不 著。 所以我 決定採取行動。我 腦海中浮現出他的形象，放鬆下來。我有意識地輕鬆呼吸，讓我的四肢鬆開到床墊裡 我拿著理查的形象在前面 我的心。我發現這真的很困難。所有這些羞恥和憤怒的感覺 出現時，我的思緒想從圖像上滑落，去更多的地方 舒適。但我堅持了下來 就像燒掉了感情一樣。我一直只是決定 體驗我所感受到 的一切並放鬆。我不得不繼續告訴 我自己認為僅自己才能知道出現的東西。 這很有説明。
當時我感覺也好不到哪裡去。事實上，在某些方面我感覺更糟 過了好一會兒，我決定這是浪費時間，我一定走了 睡覺。但第二天，當我到達 會議時， 我遇到了理查。 很早，很棒。我可以立即看出我沒有感覺 任何我以前的感覺。完全沒問題。我 第一次 注意到 理查似乎在我周圍感到有些尷尬。我感覺很完美 友好，但也幾乎不感興趣。
x
Do-it-yourself Mind Clearing
We need help to deal with the mind at a level of depth because the mind began in relationship and must be addressed in that arena. Alone we are likely to be deceived by the mind at some stage. The clearing communication cycle addresses what we need for significant progress. However, there is a good deal we can do on our own with an understanding of the principles of Mind Clearing coupled with some personal discipline. This takes a good deal of commitment but can be
valuable, especially when allied with Mind Clearing sessions or with a mindfulness meditation practice. What follows are some examples of the kind of issue that might be tackled with do-it-yourself Mind Clearing.
Pondering the opposites
As we start to become more aware of the structures of our minds and the fixed attitudes we can get locked into, then it may be possible to do some of the work in unfixing them through solo attitude work. When we are in the middle of a state of mind,15 then it is especially difficult to see it as an aspect of the mind. The nature of a state, defined by the attitude associated with it, is that it seems true to us when we are in it. So, for instance, if I am triggered by an event to go into my attitude of others don’t get me, then my whole being resonates with that state. I believe it and act from it. However, the more work we do to identify and unfix the attitudes, the more likely it is that we will start to become aware of such attitudes and states in the moment. At one and the same time, then, I might be in a state of others don’t get me which feels utterly true and real, while also recognising that this is in fact an attitude into which I have slipped. At such times, it may be possible to take some time to practise a bit of attitude clearing alone, with the idea of stepping aside from the state. Below are two examples of doing just this.
John: Am I a good Samaritan, or one of those who would pass on the other side? I’m not into organised religion, but that question used to pop up frequently anyway. I’d done good things, but hadn’t I done more bad things? And weren’t the good things I’d done disqualified because it had suited me to do them, making me a closet psychopath, ultimately completely selfish? I didn’t quite think I was one; nevertheless, when I was training to practise psychotherapy and came across tests for psychopathy, I couldn’t resist ticking the boxes to calculate my own rating. I didn’t qualify, but I continued to think about it.
The question took root way back. We three children all knew our mother had an infallible instinct for good or bad in people – an instinct she once employed to justify banning a new friend from setting foot in the house
because she’d instantly placed him on the dark side of the line. She’d placed me slightly more subtly. ‘The males of this family alternate through the generations,’ she said. ‘They go good-bad-good-bad and so on. Well, your paternal grandfather was a bad man.’
By the time I was practising regularly, the question was not exactly an everyday issue, but it was still there
– enough to arise out of the blue when I went for a walk one day. And without consciously setting out to do so, I found myself pondering the opposites: remembering times when I’d done good things, then times when I’d done bad things, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth; and also making up good Samaritan scenarios to experiment with good and bad responses.
But what I found was how arbitrary separating good actions from bad actions proved to be! I knew intellectually this was often (always?) the case, and that philosophers could debate the rights and wrongs of some things forever. Now the reality of it was tangible: deciding what was good or bad really was up to me.
I persisted with the process, walking along the river, the sun on my back, good to bad, good to bad… Then suddenly, the whole notion of whether I was good or bad struck me as so ridiculous that I fell about laughing (good thing we live in a secluded spot). Not only was the assessment of my actions as being either good or bad up to me, how I acted on such assessment was also up to me. And, with that realisation, the whole notion of me being intrinsically either good or bad evaporated.
I’m not even somewhere between the two. I’m neither
– not even on the scale. So where does that leave me in practical day-to-day living? It leaves me with total responsibility for deciding how to act and how I feel about myself as a result.
We can do a lot of work on our own. Here is another example:
Lorna: I was feeling pretty terrible. Nothing seemed to feel right. I was plagued with regrets about the past and anxiety about the future. What seemed to make it worse was that I was staying in a perfect place. I could look out of my bedroom window down to a great lake, glowing with autumn colour. The haunting calls of loons
echoed across the water in the early hours and the sky was a crisp blue. I was loved and looked after and had only beauty in front of me and friends at my side; yet everything, everything, looked bleak and lost and bad.
And one time I woke at 4 a.m., my heart pounding, feeling worse than ever, disappointment nagging at me, numb to the moonlight on the water, and I sat up and thought that I must deal with this. If this state of ‘everything is bad’ was not going to tarnish my every waking hour, and sleeping hour, given my vivid dreams, then I would have to tackle it, there and then. So I sat and contemplated the opposites, just ‘everything’s good’ and ‘everything’s bad’. I didn’t get the idea of these states through memories, just an idea or sometimes a feeling of good and then bad, good, then bad. Bad was easy; it was so familiar, a grey, heavy feeling. Good was harder, not so near to me, and I struggled to get the idea of being in a ‘good’ attitude. But I managed. And I didn’t think I’d achieved anything, but eventually I fell asleep.
Next morning, I awoke to a different world. It wasn’t good and it wasn’t bad. It was itself and I could enjoy it. It was as though a grey film had been removed from everything and I was free to enjoy it, or not, in an ordinary way. A wonderfully ordinary way. And ever since then my lifelong relationship with that state, ‘everything is bad’, has been different. It hasn’t gone, but I know it’s not me.
Karma clearing
Guilt or karma is something that can very usefully be looked at alone. It is something we have hidden largely from ourselves. Hiding it from others is there, but hiding it from ourselves is the real trick; we tie ourselves in knots trying to wriggle out of the bad feeling of having done something that goes against our inner standard. So the power of sitting with a paper and pen and writing down the things we think we have done that we should not have done, and the things we have failed to do, is a major task. It is a task that is surprisingly hard to keep to but it can bring enormous relief. What karma clearing requires is that we fully recognise what we have done about which we feel bad. Once we have done this alone and allowed ourselves to experience
that ‘badness’, usually accompanied by bodily sensations, then we will be freer. If we can then tell someone else, even better.
Rachel: At the end of my Clearing session, my Clearer suggested that I carry on the process of karma clearing and explained how to do it. I thought it would be easy, especially as I had some time alone in a hotel, where no one knew me, before my flight back. I had the idea that I could just sit down and devote an otherwise empty evening to something positive and get it over with. But when I sat down with my pen and paper I recognised what I was up against: me! I had half thought that, in the session with my Clearer, a huge part of the difficulty in coming up with things I’d done that I felt bad about was that I didn’t want to tell her and felt ashamed because of what she might think of me. But I found out that I didn’t even want to tell myself. The words were there, hovering just out of reach to begin with, but I had to force myself to write them down. I wrote a few minor things, but I knew there was more. So I tried harder and wrote something about cheating on a boyfriend in college. It was difficult, as I felt pretty horrible about it and kept trying to justify it, even to myself alone in that room. And even when I’d written it, I knew it was only a partial truth. It was so difficult to write it all down, confess what I’d done to myself and put it on the page so I could read it in black and white. It was a strange experience actually, to see that I was in such conflict with myself. And I experienced huge sadness as I finally wrote those things down – all the things I felt bad about and hadn’t said. I couldn’t do it for very long in the end, probably just 20 minutes. But the result was that I felt sober and more real.
‘Communication to other’
The mind is made up of failed communications. Another practice we can get some success with alone is to speak to others out loud as if they were present. Again, we probably need to have had some success with this in sessions to see success alone and, as with karma clearing, to do it for long is difficult. But we can gain considerable relief. This is
especially so if we have a good sense of connection with others or with a sense of the divine.
It is important here to say what we have not said out loud. We need to imagine the person as present with us and receptive to what we have to say, whatever it is. Then say it; say what you really want to say, what has not been said, what has been held back and suppressed. The extent to which we can do this fully is the extent to which we will be clear of those unfinished communications. This is known as ‘communication to other’.
Molly: I tried communication to other alone a few times and it helped me get a bit of distance from situations that I might not otherwise have got. One time in particular, I was alone in the house and realised that a difficult situation at work was going round and round in my head and I was angry with a couple of the people involved. So I started talking out loud to them. I’d had some practice at this in sessions, so I relaxed and decided not to censor what I said, but just to say it. After a couple of false starts, I surprised myself with the passion that came out of me. It certainly helped the situation and I felt more able to meet the situation in the work environment and deal with those people.
Casual connections
Another area we can work on alone is casual connections in the mind.16 With mindfulness, the automatic connections the mind makes between ideas it classifies as similar can be broken. This will gain a certain amount of freedom from automatic thinking and correspondingly clarify the mind. More complex connections can also be disarmed on one’s own with adequate discipline and time by becoming conscious of the connections. By doing this, it might be useful to communicate one’s findings to someone open to hearing them, as the deeper one gets with the mind, the more there is likely to be emotional charge related to those connections. However, the automaticity of the connections can be undone alone.
One way to experiment with this is to work with something that keeps going round in the head, perhaps a song or a repetitive thought
pattern. Use it as a meditation and go over it step by step. Do not expect anything in particular and be open to what is there. Follow areas that feel sticky and charged. Maybe you will find you are resistant to looking into a little area of it, so open to that area and keep opening. Follow the connections and there is every chance you will find a key connection. It may just pop up and the cause of the repetition will be made conscious and you will discover your choice.
Jane: I tried this with music. I often have a song or tune stuck in my mind, so I tried dealing with it as a casual connection to see if it was true. I had had a bit of a requiem going round and round for what felt like days, so I decided to stop and look at it. I was on a walk on my own at the time, suddenly irritated by this repetitive sound in my head distracting me from the spring countryside. So I lay down in the meadow, a little away from the path, closed my eyes, and really listened to the music. I went over and over it, ‘hearing’ each note. And I found it! It wasn’t a big thing, but I became aware of a little hitch in my internal sound system where the end of one bit of the music came and immediately the whole thing started over. I don’t think it was actually how the requiem went, but in my head, it just kept going round in this loop. I’d read the bit in the manual where Berner talks about this sort of thing, and I didn’t have the same experience he describes. I didn’t notice if one note at the end was the same as at the beginning, or anything like that, but as I listened to the end and how it moved back to the start, the connection disintegrated. And that was that. I had this feeling of choice. I could choose to hear the music or not, and I chose not to.
People clearing
Sometimes people go round and round in our minds. Something is sticky about our relationship with these people. We are angry with them, or feel bad about something, and we think about them. We can do something about this. Dealing with people on our own requires concentration. Communicating out loud can work, but so can holding them in our consciousness and allowing ourselves to experience them. We have held out or resisted something about them, so this is not
necessarily comfortable or easy to do. The things we are resisting are often resisted at a deep level, so keeping our attention on them can be hard work. But when it is done, even to a degree, then the relationship with that person will probably be eased. Here is an example:
Melanie: I had a brief flirtation with Richard on a residential workshop and I knew I was a bit fixated on him. I didn’t want to have a relationship with him, but I felt a mixture of embarrassment and anger and betrayal around him and didn’t like to think of him, so I did my best to put him out of my mind. I did fairly well with this, especially as our paths didn’t cross much. But when I knew he was going to be at a conference I was going to, I felt increasingly anxious about it.
The night before I knew I would meet him, I lay in bed, unable to sleep with worry about it. So I decided to act. I brought an image of him to mind and relaxed. I consciously breathed easily and let my limbs release into the mattress as I held the image of Richard at the front of my mind. I found it really difficult. All these feelings of shame and anger came up and my mind wanted to slide off the image and go somewhere more comfortable. But I carried on and it was like burning off the feelings. I kept simply deciding to experience whatever I was feeling and relaxing. I had to keep telling myself that it was only me who was going to know about the stuff that came up. That helped.
At the time I didn’t feel any better. In fact, in some ways I felt worse and, after quite a while, decided it was a waste of time, and I must have gone to sleep. But the next day, when I arrived at the conference, I met Richard quite early on and it was great. I could tell immediately that I didn’t feel anything of what I’d felt before. It was completely OK. I actually noticed for the first time that Richard seemed to be feeling some awkwardness around me. I felt perfectly friendly but also pretty much uninterested.
No comments:
Post a Comment