第三步：瞭解客戶溝通的內容並讓他們知道 清算溝通週期的第三步包括清除者執行的兩個動作：1）理解客戶所說的話和2）讓客戶知道
他們已經理解了。這是直截了當的，但要正確實現它，又有令人驚訝的陷阱需要避免。
如果客戶不知道他們被聽到和理解，即使他們是，進展也會減慢並最終停止。他們正在付出很多努力和善意來遵守指示，如果他們開始不確定他們是否真的被理解，或者如果Clearer似乎對他們正在共同做的事情所付出的努力有點隨意，那麼客戶最終將停止合作。他們可能會持續一段時間，因為他們想建立良好的關係，但會議會惡化。必須
準確地承認該人在遵守所給予的特定指示時所說的話。
越是有經驗的“清晰”，這一點就越清晰，因為不理解的人會感到不穩定。在任何一種情況下，清除者都需要對客戶說他們沒有聽到或不理解。他們需要要求客戶重複他們所說的話或更全面地解釋，直到清除者瞭解合規性。然後，清除者必須清楚地向客戶表明他們已經理解了。
我記得有一次我真的很累，分心了。我飄忽不定地想著我試圖處理的一些建築工作。這隻是幾秒鐘，但我真的離開了房間。我看著我的客戶，但那幾個節拍沒有看到她。當我回過頭來時，她正看著我，顯然說了一些重要的話。她淚流滿面地說：「我以前從未意識到我媽媽。我感覺很糟糕。我意識到我錯過了一些潛在的大事。我感到羞愧，我猶豫了。我不想承認我沒有聽到，但我知道我必須這樣做，否則我們會繼續下去，這將是一場鬧劇。所以我說，『對不起，我沒有明白，請你再說一遍。我想她有點驚訝，因為我通常很警覺，但她又說了一遍，我明白了，謝天謝地，我做到了。在這一點上，會議確實有點搖擺不定，我們可能需要幾分鐘才能再次獲得信任，但如果我放手並假裝我聽到了她的話，情況會更糟。
Clearer應該避免說客戶的回答或解釋他們所說的話。這可能非常誘人，看起來無害，甚至積極有説明。這是一些談話療法的常見方式，並在這些框架內宣導完全連貫的原因。但最好不要在這裡這樣做。向客戶重複一些事情，即使你只是和他們一起檢查他們所說的話，也是有風險的。太容易犯錯了。即使是一個不合適的詞或不正確的強調也可能向客戶
發出你
沒有理解它們的信號。這這樣做的結果可能是不得不對關係進行修復。
有時，客戶傳達了一些不清楚的東西，而更清晰的人可能會認為他們正在幫助重複它，但更清楚。這是一個錯誤。即使Clearer是對的，它也已經成為客戶的洞察力，如果Clearer以更好的形式為他們重複它，客戶從自己那裡獲得並從中學習的機會就會減少。
馬克辛真的在為她的人生目標而掙扎，並試圖說出是什麼給了她一種意義感。她談論了很多她小時候喜歡的東西，包括陶器，以及她成年後上過的陶藝課，以及她喜歡手上的感覺和她可以工作的表情的方式。
珍妮特關注著這一切，並在必要時提示馬克辛。當馬克辛表達了她以前從未告訴過任何人的快樂時，這在某些地方非常情緒化，珍妮特非常投入。所以有一次，當馬克辛試圖用她的雙手說出她的創造力以及她是誰時，她認為她在幫助馬克辛，並說：“我明白你在說什麼，你是個陶藝家。但馬克辛看著她，相當震驚：「不，這根本不是我的意思。我不在乎我這輩子是否再也不會做任何陶器，這不是我要說的。珍妮特意識到她一直在得出自己的結論，並在馬克辛的嘴裡說了一些話，這些話與她真正想要探索和解釋的東西相去甚遠。
也許更誘人的是，當Clearer認為他們可以看到客戶在他們的案件中缺少的一個關鍵點，並試圖告訴他們。雖然在少數情況下這樣做可能會有所説明，但不說什麼要安全得多。首先，Clearer很容易出錯，這將向客戶發出信號，表明他們根本不被理解。最好，也可能更通常是正確的，假設一個人對人們案件的原因有誤。即使清澈者是對的，也不行說出來。如果Clearer對客戶的案例有洞察力並告訴他們，它就會剝奪客戶自己的過程和他們對自己情況的理解的發展
。Clearer也可能過於超前於客戶自己的理解，這隻會導致混亂。
我在一個客戶合作時犯了一個錯誤。他很難與前妻接觸他們的孩子，在我看來，這似乎很明顯，他責怪她，在許多情況下，他主要是自己發起的事情。例如，他告訴我她是多麼的控制欲和困難，但是當他談到自己的行為和他對婚姻的期望時，我可以看到他非常控制自己。
我們花了很多精力與她溝通，就好像她在場一樣，多年的苦澀堆積起來。他偶爾會表達自己的遺憾，並談論她是一個好母親，但這隻是憤怒引發的指責交流中的時刻。我意識到他必須這樣做才能繼續前進，所以我們談論了這件事，他意識到他正在堅持很多需要的挫敗感。o 被表達。然而，有些麻煩在於，他實際上沒有練習談論他如何實際體驗生活，所以這一切都是向外的。在一次會議結束時，我建議他看一本關於親密關係中溝通的書。我以為他會從那裡的資訊中得到一些東西，他認為這是一個好主意。但在我們下一次會議前一周，我收到了他的一封電子郵件。他感謝我的推薦，但說這本書對他沒有好處。他已經很善於溝通了;是他的前妻需要做得更好。
我意識到我犯了錯誤。我原以為他的情況至少部分清楚，但事實並非如此。最後，我認為我既是對的，也是錯的。他確實需要更好地真正傳達他在人際關係中發生的事情，他確實在這方面有所改進。但我也沒有足夠認真地對待他釋放憤怒和痛苦的真正需要。我不尊重他，認為我最瞭解他，並意識到我一直在幽默他。當我放棄這個時，感覺我們真的開始一起工作，他開始
敞開心扉，講述他對婚姻失敗的絕望以及這對他意味著什麼。
對於客戶來說，知道他們想要傳達的內容並傳達這一點是關鍵。為他們做這件事無濟於事。看起來似乎令人憤怒的是，他們懸在一個巨大的啟示的邊緣，而清除者可能渴望揭示它。他們可能是正確的，知道它可能會改變客戶的生活，但如果為他們完成工作，他們需要更長的時間才能獲得並擁有它。Clearer可能處於正確的位置，但客戶有自己的說話方式，重要的是要這樣做。
向客戶解釋合規性太接近於評估他們所傳達的內容。要求合規的任務旨在提高客戶的聯繫能力並更清楚地了解他們的想法。正確判斷他們需要說什麼或將要說什麼或已經說過什麼無濟於事，也不是重點。他們不會因為任何試圖重複他們對他們說過的話而學到任何東西，他們可能會失去一些東西。如果Clearer不確定客戶說了什麼，他們應該要求他們重複一遍，即使冒著看起來很愚蠢或不聽的風險。他們會變得更清楚，甚至可能學到更多的東西，更清晰的人也會變得更清楚，而不必事後猜測他們或冒犯錯誤的風險。如果擔心他們可能會發現被要求重複它很煩人，那麼應該解釋原因。了解為什麼要做某事的人通常很樂意繼續。
清算溝通週期的四個步驟是：
1.清除者向客戶傳達清晰的想法。
2. 客戶按照要求去做。
3. 客戶回應並傳達遵守指示或回答問題的結果。
4. 更清晰的人傾聽、理解並明確表示這已經完成。
在Mi中使用清除通信週期
清除
進度不是由只是說話和講故事的人進行的。那不行。它必須是回應你並遵循你的指示的結果。這就是解開生活的結，解開頭腦中的懸念。它很漂亮。14
遵循清晰的溝通週期會帶來真正的進步，因為它將兩個人之間的明確理解付諸實踐並使其具體化。這就是導致重大轉變並溶解思想的魔力。
無需評估或診斷用戶端。如果清算溝通週期應用良好，客戶將自己完成所有需要的評估。當然，對客戶進行一些評估對於決定與他們合作以及如何工作是不可避免的和必要的。一個人需要善於評估才能擅長頭腦清醒，但這仍然不是將客戶診斷為一種類型;這不是有説明的。
在清算會話中，重點是完成清算溝通週期，並幫助該人傳達被扣留的內容以及他們所有異常行為實際上以扭曲的形式說的話。因此，內容很重要，以至於人們發現很難傳達它。
在頭腦清除中有一些特定的方法來處理問題領域，例如抑鬱，創傷，邊界違規，當前問題和關係問題。在這些領域內，必須保持週期清晰，作為説明的引擎。然而，重點仍然是個人及其表達自己、通過內容和儘管內容的能力。這是許多談話療法的重點的重要轉變，並且與哲學立場密切相關，即有一個我們可以而且必須與之合作的人。
將溝通過程分解為各個組成部分，並確保每個組成部分都得到滿足，這是清算的一個重要説明方面。儘管用技巧執行它涉及許多微妙之處，
但這個迴圈中的核心是重複的，直到客戶能夠與他人交流而不需要替代的想法和行為。在尋找順從並學會將它們清楚地傳達給真正想知道的人時，頭腦開始消解，因為它存在的原因開始分崩離析。
這個迴圈指向並加強個人。通過必須找到可以做觀察工作的人，客戶必須開始向內看，以便從他們的穩定點向外看。許多人需要仔細指導如何看，但這得益於 Clearer 針對個人並保持周期清潔。通過這種方式，心靈清除通過找到一個槓桿點來轉移思想的品質。
The third step: understanding what the client has communicated and letting them know
The third step in the clearing communication cycle consists of two actions performed by the Clearer: 1) understanding what the client has said and 2) letting the client know they have understood. This is straightforward but, once more, there are a surprising number of pitfalls to be avoided for it to be properly achieved.
If the client does not know they were heard and understood, even if they were, progress will slow down and finally stop. They are putting a lot of effort and goodwill into complying with the instructions and, if they start to be uncertain as to whether they are really being understood, or if the Clearer seems a bit offhand about the effort they are putting into what they are doing together, then the client will stop co-operating eventually. They may well carry on for a while because they want to have good relations, but sessions will deteriorate. It must
be acknowledged precisely what the person said in complying with the particular instruction given.
The more experienced a Clearer is, the more this becomes clear because a non-understanding will feel wonky. In either case the Clearer will need to say to the client that they did not hear or did not understand. They will need to ask the client to repeat what they said or explain it more fully until the Clearer understands the compliance. The Clearer must then indicate to the client, clearly, that they have understood.
I remember a time when I was really tired and distracted giving a session. I drifted off with a thought about something I was trying to handle around some building work I was having done. This was just for a couple of seconds, but I was really gone from the room. I was looking at my client but wasn’t seeing her for those few beats. And when I snapped back, she was looking at me and had clearly said something of import. She was tearful and said, ‘I never realised that before about my mum. I feel terrible.’ And I realised I’d missed some potentially huge thing. I was mortified, and I hesitated. I hated to admit I hadn’t heard it, but I knew I had to or we’d carry on and it would be a farce. So I said something like, ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t get that, would you repeat it please.’ I think she was a bit surprised, as I’m usually pretty alert, but she said it again and I got it, and thank goodness I did. The session did wobble a bit at that point, and it took us probably a few minutes to secure that trust again, but it would have been a whole lot worse had I just let it go and pretended I’d heard her.
The Clearer should avoid saying the client’s responses back to them or paraphrasing what they have said. This can be very tempting to do and seems so harmless or even actively helpful. It is a common way of proceeding in some talk therapies and advocated for perfectly coherent reasons within those frameworks. But it is better not to do it here. Repeating something back to a client, even if you are just checking out with them what they said, is risky. It is too easy to be wrong. Even one word out of place or an incorrect emphasis may signal to the client you
have not understood them. The result of this could be having to make repairs to the relationship.
Sometimes a client communicates something unclearly and the Clearer may think they are being helpful in repeating it back, but more clearly. This is a mistake. Even if the Clearer is right, it has become the client’s insight and if the Clearer repeats it for them in better shape, there is less chance of the client sourcing it from themselves and learning from it.
Maxine was really struggling with some stuff around her purpose in life and trying to say what it was that gave her a sense of meaning. She was talking a lot about the things she’d enjoyed as a child, including pottery, and the pottery classes she had taken as an adult and the way she liked the feel in her hands and the expression with which she could work.
Janet was following all of this and prompting Maxine as necessary. It was quite emotional in places as Maxine expressed pleasures she had never told anyone about before and Janet was very engaged. So at one point, when Maxine was trying to say something about her creativity with her hands and what that said about who she was, she thought she was helping Maxine and said, ‘I understand what you’re saying, you’re a potter.’ But Maxine looked at her, quite shocked: ‘No, that’s not what I mean at all. I don’t care if I never do any pottery again in my life, that’s not what I’m saying.’ Janet realised she had been drawing her own conclusions and had put words into Maxine’s mouth that were quite a distance from what she was actually trying to explore and explain.
Perhaps even more tantalising is when the Clearer thinks they can see a key point the client is missing about their case and is tempted to tell them. While in a small minority of cases it may help to do so, it is far safer not to say anything. First, the Clearer could easily be wrong and this will signal to the client that they are not understood at all. It is best, and probably more usually correct, to assume one is wrong about the causes of people’s cases. Even if the Clearer is right, it is not OK to say it. If the Clearer has an insight about the client’s case and tells them, it robs the client of their own process and the development of their
own understanding about their situation. The Clearer may also be too far ahead of the client’s own understanding and it will simply lead to confusion.
I made a mistake working with one client. He was having difficulties dealing with his ex-wife over access to their children and it seemed so obvious to me that he was blaming her for what were, in many instances, things he had mostly initiated himself. He told me how controlling and difficult she was, for instance, but when he spoke about his own behaviour and what he had expected of the marriage, I could see that he was very controlling himself.
We worked a lot with communicating to her as though she was present and there were years of bitterness stacked up. He occasionally expressed his regrets and talked about her being a good mother, but these were just moments in what was otherwise an anger-fuelled communication of blame. I realised he had to do this before he could move on, so we talked about it and he recognised that he was holding on to a lot of frustration that needed to be expressed. Some of the trouble, however, was that he was actually not practised at talking about how he actually experienced life, so it was all directed outwards. At the end of one session I suggested he look at a book that deals with communication in intimate relationships. I thought he would get something out of the information in there, and he thought this was a good idea. But during the week before our next session, I got an email from him. He thanked me for the recommendation but said the book was no good for him. He was already good at communicating; it was his ex-wife who needed to get better at it.
I realised the mistake I’d made. I had assumed his case was at least partly clear to him, but it wasn’t at all. In the end, I think I was both right and wrong. He did need to get better at really communicating what was going on for him in relationships and he did improve at this. But I had also not taken seriously enough his real need to discharge his anger and pain. I had disrespected him in thinking I knew best and realised I had been humouring him. As soon as I dropped this, it felt like we really began
to work together and he started to open up about how desperate he felt about the marriage failing and what it meant to him.
It is key for the client to know what they want to communicate and to get that across. Doing it for them will not help. It might seem infuriatingly obvious that they are hanging on the edge of a huge revelation and the Clearer might be itching to reveal it. They might be correct and it might change the client’s life to know it, but it will take them much longer to get it and own it if the work is done for them. The Clearer might be in the right ballpark, but clients have their own way of saying things, and it is important to go with that.
Paraphrasing a compliance back to the client is too close to evaluating what they have communicated. The task of asking for a compliance is designed to improve the client’s ability to relate and become clearer about what they think. Being right about what they need to say or are going to say or have said does not help and is not the point. They will learn nothing by anyone trying to repeat what they have said back to them, and they might lose something. If the Clearer is not sure about what the client said, they should ask them to repeat it, even at the risk of seeming to be stupid or not to have been listening. They will get clearer and maybe even learn something more, and the Clearer will also get clearer without having to second-guess them or risk making an error. If the fear is they might find it irritating to be asked to repeat it, then the reason should be explained. People who understand why something is being done are usually happy to continue.
The four steps of the clearing communication cycle are:
1. The Clearer gets a clear thought across to the client.
2. The client does what is asked of them.
3. The client responds and communicates the results of complying with the instruction or responding to the question.
4. The Clearer listens, understands and makes it clear that this has been done.
Using the clearing communication cycle in Mind Clearing
Progress does not take place by the person just talking and telling stories. That won’t do it. It has to be the result of responding to you and following your instruction. That is what untangles the knots of life, the hang-ups in the mind. It is beautiful.14
Following the clearing communication cycle makes for real progress because it puts into steps explicit understanding between two people and makes it concrete. This is the magic that makes for significant shifts and dissolves the mind.
There is no need to assess or diagnose the client. If the clearing communication cycle is applied well, the client will do all the assessment needed themselves. Some assessment of the client is, of course, unavoidable and necessary for deciding what to work on with them and how to do so. A person needs to be good at assessing in order to be good at Mind Clearing, but it is still not about diagnosing the client as a type; that is not what helps.
Within a Clearing session the focus is on completing clearing communication cycles and helping the person communicate what has been withheld and what all their aberrant behaviours are actually saying in distorted form. So content matters to the extent the person finds it hard to communicate it.
There are specific ways within Mind Clearing to approach problem areas, such as depression, trauma, boundary violations, current problems and relationship issues. Within those areas, the cycles must be kept clear as the engine of the help. The focus, however, remains on the individual and their ability to get themselves across, through and despite the content. This is an important shift in emphasis from many talk therapies, and goes hand in hand with the philosophical position that there is an individual with whom we can and must work.
Breaking the communication process into its component parts and seeing that each one is fulfilled is a vital helping aspect of Clearing. Though there are many subtleties involved in carrying it out with skill,
what is going on at the core in this cycle is repeated until the client is able to communicate to others without the need of substitute ideas and behaviours. In finding compliances and learning to deliver them clearly to someone who really wants to know, the mind starts to dissolve because the reason for it being there begins to come apart.
The cycle points to and strengthens the individual. By having to locate the one who can do the work of looking, the client has to start looking in, in order to look out from their point of stability. Many people need careful instruction simply in how to look, but this is helped by the Clearer addressing the individual and keeping the cycles clean. In this way, Mind Clearing shifts the mass of mind by finding a point of leverage.
Saturday, July 1, 2023
The second step: the client does what they have been instructed to do第二步：客戶做他們被指示做的事情
第二步：客戶做他們被指示做的事情
第二步，使[頭腦清醒]不同於僅僅相互交流，是你現在正在説明的人執行你告訴他做的事情，並告訴你他想出了什麼作為遵守你的指示的結果。
8
當客戶得到指示並遵守時，應該可以看到他們已經進去並尋找真正的回應。他們已經這樣做了，他們真誠地尋找，然後他們找到了一些東西並傳達了它。
雷切爾，更清楚的人：事實上，我和露西一起檢查過。我給她指示「告訴我她快樂
的時間。她似乎真的聽到了我的聲音，然後她會移開視線幾秒鐘，然後回答說：“我記得我四歲左右的時候，和姐姐在花園裡玩耍，感覺非常高興。陽光明媚，我們打扮得花枝招展，笑著跑來跑去。
客戶露西：瑞秋會給我一個像這裡這樣的指示。我花了一段時間才真正體會到她想要一個直接的答案。現在這看起來很奇怪，但實際上很奇怪，一開始看到這真的是想要的。我學會了真正傾聽她想要什麼，然後走進去尋求對我來說非常真實的回應。有時候很難說出來，但我漸漸學會了只為我說真話，就像那段和姐姐在一起的時光，很開心。
第二步實際上包括兩個動作：1）尋找和2）傳達他們的發現。可能是他們看了看，什麼也找不到。如果發生這種情況，那麼通常情況下，這是因為他們被困住了，而不是他們真的沒有做任何他們認為不應該做的事情。在這種情況下，需要鼓勵他們回去再看一遍，直到他們想出一些東西，無論大小。
沒有其他人可以為這個人做到這一點。學習和進步只能來自自己動手。Clearer可能會確定他們知道客戶在摸索什麼，向他們提供這種見解似乎是最有説明的事情。這是一個錯誤。可以準確地解釋他們想要什麼，以及為什麼，需要多少次，以盡可能多的方式。
每個[清除溝通週期]都必須包含您正在幫助的個人的行動。如果沒有，那麼你所做的只是操縱他或和他聊天，這可能是非常好和愉快的，但不會有任何能力的增加。所以他必須按照你的指示採取行動。
9
只是偶爾有人會往裡面看，照所吩咐的去做，卻什麼也找不到。如果他們真的看過，這沒關係。他們按照吩咐做了，並報告了回來。但大多數情況下會有一些東西可以聯繫起來，而清除者的工作是看到他們清楚地做到這一點。
第二步可能會出錯。例如，有些人很容易離開切線，不回答問題或說明。在日常對話中，這種情況一直在進行;他們可能會陷入隨意的聯繫中。10 人們被另一件事提醒，觸發第三件事，依此類推。這是有道理的，因為一件事與另一件事有點相關;但這些是鏈鏈，11 它們在頭腦中是隨機相關的。這些聯繫是沒有意義的，傾聽它們，雖然通常是社會規範，但如果目的實際上是提供真正的幫助和心靈的解脫，那麼是無濟於事的。
指令可能是「告訴我你做了一些你認為你不應該做的事情」，他們會想到一些事情。也許他們記得他們踢過貓一次，一直對此感到難過。他們可能會也可能不會報告這一點，如果他們沒有，那麼這本身就是一個問題。無論如何，這個想法可能會引發一個關於貓的故事，然後可能是一個關於鄰居的貓的故事等等，直到 Clearer 完全失去了線索，這個人現在正在談論他們在加勒比海的航海假期，而 Clearer 正在努力回到正題。
這種隨意的談話應該儘快停止。人們最初可能會對被打斷感到有點驚訝，特別是如果他們接受過一些其他類型的治療來鼓勵它。儘管如此，必須善意但堅定地打斷它們，必須追求遵守，否則迴圈將被打破。合規性和週期有所説明。必須充分表達和理解回應，直到該人完成為止，但不能超過此。它可能會引發一些見解，這可能是積極的。但這是一個判斷電話。如果這些見解對客戶來說顯然是真正新穎和有價值的東西，那麼重要的是要聽聽他們要說什麼，並可能鼓勵他們說更多的話，以完全從頭腦中釋放出來。另一方面，最初看起來像
切線的東西在某些情況下可能並非如此。有些人需要時間來努力實現合規性，如果要求他們解釋他們所說內容的相關性，他們可以這樣做。至少首先，他們可能需要講述整個故事以解釋合規性;如果沒有上下文，這對他們來說是不完整的。正如他們所看到的，他們的 Clearer 需要了解這些背景知識才能了解合規性。人們在這方面差異很大。但是，如果它只是在鏈條中從一個想法跳到另一個想法，它應該被阻止。應該尋求合規性，然後清除者必須繼續下一個指令。
另一個陷阱是，Clearer在下達指令之前沒有弄清楚，因此客戶不清楚他們想要什麼，或者由於其他原因不理解它。如果他們不理解指令，清除者有責任對其進行整理並傳達。
有一個適合[客戶]級別的好指令是值得的，但無論指導有多好，除非你知道你想要的是什麼，否則它都不會起作用。確保[客戶]已經得到了它，確保[客戶]對他已經回答了它感到滿意，並確保你確切地看到[客戶]是如何做到的看到這是一個答案或遵守。如果你不遵循那個程式，不管問題、說明或技術有多好，不管它有多合適，它都不會起作用。12
或者，客戶可能會給出 Clearer 不理解為合規的回應。
清妖嬈指示「告訴我一些他們認為不應該做的事情。鮑勃對此的反應是說：“我笑了。在這種情況下，Clearer不知道Bob指的是什麼，因此無法判斷它是否合規。所以他檢查了一下，果然，鮑勃可以很容易地解釋，這個指令立即引發了他的記憶，當他摔倒並割傷他的手併為此感到內疚時，他的弟弟被嘲笑。這是一種順從，因為這是他認為他不應該
做的事情。一旦解釋，Clearer就得到了它並承認了合規性。該週期已完成。
這個人是來尋求説明的，而清除者只是在那裡幫助他們。雖然阻止他們全力以赴似乎並不禮貌，但這樣做正在幫助他們，他們最終會感激它，即使他們一開始覺得這有點不禮貌或奇怪。事實上，如果他們不保持在直線和狹窄上，他們將很快對更清晰和過程失去信心，因為允許他們漫無邊際將沒有任何幫助，他們將在某種程度上知道這一點。
客戶可能對給出的指示不感興趣，並決定回答他們自己的一些替代指示;如果是這種情況，重新評估目前正在處理的領域並找到更符合該人所在位置的內容可能是相關的。但這也可能是一種迴避，所以追求它是至關重要的，直到客戶接近他們正在避免的事情並繼續下去，或者偶爾，正在處理的問題領域被重新構建。
正如伯納所描述的，最常見的問題是來訪者：
甚至根本不考慮、思考或冥想你的指令，或者他在最膚淺的層面上這樣做。因為他還沒有學會如何主觀地或從自己身上執行某事，所以他沒有執行指令。13
在這種情況下，必須幫助客戶瞭解想要什麼，以便他們能夠做到這一點。他們可能不知道如何向內看。這對他們來說可能根本沒有意義，因為他們從未嘗試過，以前也沒有人要求他們這樣做，所以他們怎麼知道？
客戶向內看和溝通的能力可能比人們想像的要差得多。他們可能表現為一個適應良好、有意識、功能正常的人，擁有一份負責任的工作、一所房子和一個家庭，看起來都很正常，但當涉及到諮詢自己並報告他們實際發生的事情的細節時，他們處於未知的領域。
如果是這種情況，他們將不得不得到指導，也許是詳細的，如何查看內部並遵守。有必要從小處
著手並構建。這可能意味著解釋合規性和精確性。什麼時候很明顯，他們正在盡最大努力向內看並遵守指示並傳達結果，這必須暫時接受。更清晰的人可能知道合規不完全，但下次會更深入、更清晰，他們已經有了開始，並且已經取得了進展。客戶可能會在會議結束後回家，比以往任何時候都更清楚地向他們的配偶解釋一些事情。這在他們的家庭中可能是革命性的。
但是，在某些情況下，該人可能沒有傳達足以將其接受為合規性的內容。他們來參加會議是因為在某種程度上他們並不擅長溝通。因此，即使他們向內看並提出了回應並試圖將其傳達出去，他們也可能沒有足夠的資訊來使其被識別出來。很多人都是如此。他們四處走動，確信他們已經像任何人一樣清楚，但事實上，沒有人真正理解他們在說什麼，也沒有人投入工作來試圖弄清楚它。對於這樣的人，更清晰可能並不像擴展思想那麼容易;他們自己並不真正確定自己在說什麼。他們需要説明。
一個更清晰的人不應該對此太嚴格。只要溝通能夠被足夠清楚地理解為合規，並認識到客戶正在盡力而為，這應該暫時被接受;這是一個開始。但至關重要的是幫助他們更清楚地瞭解他們在說什麼，並把他們拉出來，直到他們對自己和更清晰的人更有意義。
對我來說，一個很好的例子是威爾遜。他在生活的某些領域非常有能力，並且在專業上非常成功。但是，當談到他與周圍人的關係中的某些問題時，例如更多的週邊朋友和他認為在社區中具有權威的人，他讓自己瞭解的能力急劇下降，他感到不知所措和壓力，他甚至難以確定問題所在。最後，他把它簡化為這樣的事情，“當我
不得不與生活中的一些人打交道時，我感到愚蠢和自我意識。我們逐漸解決這個問題，直到他更清楚他到底發生了什麼，充電水準降低到他可以在它周圍放鬆更多，並進一步工作到他很少被它困擾的地方。但首先，對於威爾遜來說，僅僅解決一個可命名的問題是非常困難的。他來到會議時知道他想解決這種困難和壓力的感覺，但是，當我要求他更多地談論它時，他張口結舌，發現很難專注於這個問題，因為它在他的腦海中如此聚集並粘在一起。最後他說，『有些人讓我真的很緊張。從那時起，我們慢慢地描繪了這些情況下發生的事情，並變得更加清晰。
預扣稅是另一個常見問題。事實上，整個心靈的問題可以說是一個大問題。但是這有不同的層次。有很多原因導致一個人在看起來不明白時可能不會傳達他們遇到的問題。de 以找到合規性。他們拒絕溝通。例如，他們可能會為自己所想到的事情感到羞恥，並認為如果他們說出來，他們就不會受到尊重或喜歡。或者他們可能不說，因為他們認為沒有人可能理解;以前，誰也沒明白，為什麼這一次眼前的人會有什麼不同呢？或者他們不完全明白他們遇到了什麼。
出於這些原因之一，他們並沒有真正傳達所發生的事情，或者他們說了其他事情，或者只是其中的一小部分，他們認為會讓他們的 Clearer 滿意並讓他們擺脫困境。這裡有足夠的機會出錯，因為如果忽略這一點，並且 Clearer 繼續接受其中任何一個作為合規性，那麼迴圈將被打亂並且不會有任何進展。如果這種不遵守行為被接受，他們將失去信心，即使這是他們所呈現的。他們會在某種程度上知道它，如果它發生得太頻繁，他們可能不會回來。無論如何，Clearer最終將不得不稍後回去找出問題所在，因為這會破壞各方之間的流動，並且會
阻止進度
- 也許不是完全，但它會被堵塞。
詹姆斯在來上課時有很多扣留要開始。我們逐漸處理了很多潛在的羞恥感。但起初，當我要求他多說一些事情時，他臉上經常會出現一種表情，暗示有什麼事情發生了。然後他經常搖搖頭，幾乎不知不覺地，環顧四周，想說點別的話。他總是盡力如實回答，但他經常不說出他腦海中浮現的第一件事。第一件事往往充滿了焦慮，有時甚至是羞恥。事實上，他非常擔心可能出現什麼，以至於他繞過了第一個想法，以防它們令人羞恥，並嚴格審查了他的回答，即使當他真正想到它時，很難想出他真正感到羞恥的事情。
當我問他首先想到了什麼時，他會說，『啊，沒什麼重要的。我和他一起努力工作，漸漸地他開始表達其中的一部分：“哦，那段時間我不太喜歡自己，但現在我已經結束了，我接受自己”;甚至“真的什麼都沒想出來，我只是想了想我以後要做什麼。需要一些技巧才能知道要追求這些答案中的哪一個，因為很明顯他正在盡最大努力傳達出現的內容，並且對他所阻止的一些事情感到壓力很大。
然後，有一天，他進來說，『我決定不說這個，但無論如何我都要說』，然後繼續告訴我一些他一直隱瞞的過去，關於他在商業交易中的行為方式，他感到非常羞恥。他還告訴我，就他而言，他從未向任何人展示過真實的自我。這對他來說是巨大的。但光是說這些話，他的神態立刻就輕鬆了。他在會議中以及餘生中讓自己跨越的能力躍升，他的生意也開始再次蓬勃發展。
清除者可以自己破壞迴圈因為沒有正確傾聽。他們可能是被客戶說的話觸發的，開始思考他們自己的問題，例如和他們的母親，或者他們可能只是因為想著他們晚餐要做什麼或他們需要做賬而分心。無論如何，當客戶交流並且不完全理解或錯過關鍵單詞或短語時，他們會考慮其他事情。在這種情況下，清除者需要要求他們再說一遍。
一個人可能沒有正確傾聽的另一種方式是，他們以一種狹隘的方式傾聽，因為他們在判斷客戶在說什麼，甚至可能不是有意識的。
金妮：我意識到我聽到了瑞秋說她覺得她應該做更多的事情來説明她的母親，但儘管它進入了我的耳朵，我一直在想，就我而言，她做得綽綽有餘。所以我犯了一個錯誤，幾乎摧毀了整個會話。我告訴她，她給自己帶來了一段非常艱難的時光，並且已經為她的母親做了很多事情，也許她應該努力為自己爭取一些支援。
我一說出來，我就覺得說錯了。瑞秋用一種奇怪的方式看著我，我看得出來，我只是沒有好好傾聽她真正關心的問題。無論她是否明智地審視自己的支持系統，那都不是會議的地方。在這一點上，對瑞秋來說，我必須真正理解她對母親的悲傷和她不足的感覺。我自己關於什麼是合理的觀念幾乎完全遮罩了我面前試圖表達她困難感受的真實人物。據我所知，我是她向她傾訴的第一個人，我正在執行一些任務，而不是和她在一起，根本不瞭解她的情況。即使我是對的，後來認為瑞秋可以清楚地查看自己的支持系統，但錯誤在於沒有瞭解她的一切情況並做出自己的判斷，這
實際上在許多方面與她真正意義上的適合她做有很大不同。
如果清除者認為客戶並沒有真正按照指示遵守規定，即使客戶可能認為他們是，並且清除者沒有採取任何措施來阻止這一點，那麼清除者就會變得困倦。他們必須回想。有沒有一些他們不相信的東西沒有受到挑戰？
更清楚：告訴我你特別的態度如何影響你的生活。
客戶：這意味著我待人更好。更清楚：好的，是的，謝謝。
在這種情況下，Clearer不確定如何擁有一種特殊的態度，這是這位客戶認為他經常經歷的事情，如何讓他更好地對待別人。它需要檢查出來。在面對不確定性時，放任其並承認這是一種合規性將破壞迴圈。
另一方面，如果客戶正在回應並且 Clearer 很高興他們正在獲得合規性，但 clIent並不真正相信他們正在提供適當的合規性，然後客戶會感到困倦。如果發生這種情況，Clearer 將需要檢查客戶的情況，並讓他們更多地解釋他們的合規性，直到雙方都完成。
更清楚：告訴我“我很特別”的態度如何影響你的生活。
客戶：嗯，我想我在工作中往往非常積極主動，併為新專案提出自己。
更清楚：謝謝。告訴我另一種方式，以“我很特別”的態度四處走動會影響你的生活。
客戶：特別意味著我更好地對待別人。
更清楚：好的，謝謝。告訴我另一種方式，以“我很特別”的態度四處走動會影響你的生活。
客戶：嗯...好吧，我想有時可能會讓我有點刻薄......就像當人們在事情上不如我時，我有時會變得不耐煩。
更清楚：謝謝，是的，我明白了。告訴我另一種方式，以“我很特別”的態度四處走動會影響你的生活。
客戶：（相當長的停頓）我不確定，真的。我想認為我很特別有點傲慢，所以我可能會得罪人。我基本上已經控制住了它，但這聽起來沒錯，有些人被我說的話冒犯了。
更清楚：謝謝。告訴我另一種方式，以“我很特別”的態度四處走動會影響你的生活。
客戶：（停頓時間更長）我不知道，真的。我不認為這種態度真的讓我在生活中受到太多影響。大多數時候它似乎對我來說效果很好。
在這種情況下，這聽起來像是一個清晰的溝通週期，但事實並非如此。Clearer有一些以這種態度工作的經驗，所以她借鑒了這一點以及她自己的案例，並自己填補了週期中的空白。她明白，四處認為自己很特別會讓你認為自己對別人更好，所以這可能是一個明顯的順從，她犯了一個錯誤，並選擇以自己的方式理解回應。她沒有檢查出來。
事實上，客戶從一開始就對他的回答感到不安。他給出的順從是他喜歡認為是真的，但他已經確定這是一種對他來說是一個問題的態度，所以他說的話與此不符。事實上，他的Clearer似乎認為這是可以的，這也令人困惑，因為他們一直在談論這種態度。所以他的判斷感覺很混亂。另一方面，這並不需要他付出太多的努力，因為他的智力越來越高，所以他繼續前進，因為他渴望會議順利進行，並選擇假設她
是對的。但當他放鬆到會議突然變得如此容易時，他開始感到困倦。
有時，會話可能很難進行，如果 Clearer 放棄將指令傳達給客戶，它就會脫軌。週期可能很難建立，客戶可能處於糟糕的方式，在長切線上偏離並且從未真正真正掌握要求他們開始糾正這種情況的原因。這需要Clearer的堅韌和勇氣，有時他們實際上放棄了將指令傳達給客戶。在這種情況下，他們最終可能會進行足夠愉快的聊天，或者客戶只會從一件事跳到另一件事，但會話將不起作用。Clearer必須致力於幫助客戶，要做到這一點，指令必須明確，必須傳達，以便客戶得到並遵守。實現這一目標需要多長時間並不重要。這就是工作。一旦它回到正軌，指令清晰，能量就會恢復，可能已經建立起來的混亂感就會消失。那種糊塗的感覺就是頭腦。
The second step: the client does what they have been instructed to do
The second step, which makes [Mind Clearing] different than just communicating back and forth to each other, is that the individual you are helping now executes what it is that you told him to do and tells you what he came up with as a result of complying with your instruction.8
When the client has got the instruction and complies, it should be possible to see that they have gone inside and looked for a true response. They have done this, they have looked sincerely and then they find something and they communicate it.
Rachel, the Clearer: I checked it out with Lucy, in fact. I gave her the instruction to ‘Tell me a time she was
happy.’ She seemed to really hear me and then she would look away for a few seconds before responding with something like, ‘I remember when I was about four, playing in the garden with my sister and feeling really happy. The sun was shining and we were dressing up and running round laughing.’
Lucy, the client: Rachel would give me an instruction like the one here. It took me a little while to really appreciate that she wanted a straight answer to her question. Now that seems strange, but it was actually strange to start with to see that this was really what was wanted. I learned to really hear what she wanted and then go inside for a response that was really true for me. Sometimes it was difficult to say it, but I gradually learned to just say the truth for me, like that time with my sister and being happy.
Step two actually consists of two actions: 1) looking and 2) communicating what they found. It might be that they looked and could not find anything. If this happens, then more often than not, it is because they are stuck rather than there really is nothing they have done they think they should not have done. In this case, they will need to be encouraged to go back and look again until they come up with something, however big or small.
No one else can do this for the person. The learning and progress can only come from doing it themselves. The Clearer might be certain they know what the client is groping around for and it can seem like the most helpful thing to offer that insight to them. That is an error. It can be explained exactly what is wanted from them, and why, as many times and in as many ways as it takes.
Every [clearing communication cycle] must contain an action by the individual that you are helping. If it doesn’t, then all you are doing is just manipulating him or chatting with him, which might be very nice and pleasant but there won’t be any increase in ability. So he must carry out an action in compliance with your instruction.9
Just occasionally someone will look inside and do what was asked but there was nothing they could find. This is OK if they have really looked. They did what they were told to do and reported back. But mostly there will be something to relate and it is the Clearer’s job to see that they do this clearly.
There is plenty that can go awry with the second step. For instance, some people easily go off on tangents and do not respond to the question or instruction. In day-to-day conversation this goes on all the time; they might get stuck in casual connected thoughts.10 People are reminded of something by another thing that triggers a third thing, and so forth. It makes a kind of sense in that one thing is sort of related to the next; but these are chains,11 they are related randomly in the mind. The connections are meaningless, and listening to them, while often the social norm, is unhelpful if the purpose is actually to offer real help and relief from the mind.
The instruction might be to ‘Tell me something you did that you think you shouldn’t have done,’ and they think of something. Maybe they remember they kicked the cat one time and have always felt bad about it. They may or may not actually report this, and if they did not, then that is a problem in itself. In any case, the thought may trigger a story about the cat and then maybe a story about their neighbour’s cat and so on until the Clearer has lost the thread entirely and the person is now talking about their sailing holiday in the Caribbean and the Clearer is struggling to get back to the point.
This kind of random talking should be stopped as quickly as possible. People might be a bit surprised to be interrupted initially, especially if they have had some other kinds of therapy which encourage it. Nonetheless, they must kindly, but firmly, be interrupted and the compliance must be pursued, or the cycle will be broken. It is the compliance and cycle that helps. The response must be expressed and understood fully, until the person is complete on it, but not more than this. It may trigger some insights and that might be positive. But this is a judgement call. If the insights are clearly something really new and valuable to the client, then it is important to hear what they have to say and possibly encourage them to say more to discharge it completely from the mind. On the other hand, what might look
initially like a tangent may not be in some instances. Some people take time to work their way round to a compliance, and if they are asked to explain the relevance of what they are saying, they can do so. At least to start with, they may need to tell the whole story in order to explain the compliance; it would not be complete for them without the context. As they see it, their Clearer needs to know this background stuff in order to understand the compliance. People vary in this enormously. But if it is just jumping from one thought to another in a chain, it should be stopped. The compliance should be sought and then the Clearer must go on to the next instruction.
Another pitfall is that the Clearer did not get the thought straight before they gave the instruction and the client was consequently unclear on what was wanted of them or did not understand it for some other reason. If they have not understood the instruction, it is the Clearer’s responsibility to sort it out and get it across.
It pays to have a good instruction that’s appropriate to the [client’s] level, but no matter how good the instruction is, it won’t work unless you know what it is you’re after. Make sure the [client] has got it, make sure the [client] is satisfied that he has answered it and make sure you see exactly how the [client] sees that this is an answer or compliance to that. If you don’t follow that procedure, it doesn’t matter how good the question or the instruction or the technique is, it doesn’t matter how appropriate it is, it won’t work.12
Alternatively, the client might give a response the Clearer does not understand as a compliance.
The Clearer gave the instruction to ‘Tell me something they think they should not have done.’ Bob’s response to this was to say, ‘I laughed.’ The Clearer in this case had no idea what Bob was referring to and so could not judge whether or not it was a compliance. So he checked it out and, sure enough, Bob could easily explain that the instruction had immediately triggered a memory of laughing at his little brother when he fell down and cut his hand and feeling guilty about it. It was a compliance because it was something he thought he should not
have done. Once it was explained, the Clearer got it and acknowledged the compliance. The cycle was completed.
The person has come for help and the Clearer is only there to help them. While it may not seem polite to stop them in full flow, it is helping them by doing so and they will appreciate it finally, even if they find it a bit impolite or odd in the beginning. In fact, they will rapidly lose faith in the Clearer and the process if they are not kept on the straight and narrow, because allowing them to ramble will not be of any help and they will know this on some level.
The client may not be interested in the instruction given and decide to answer some alternative instruction of their own; if this is the case, it may be relevant to reassess the area currently being worked on and find something more in line with where the person is. But it may also be an avoidance, so it is vital to pursue it until either the client approaches what they are avoiding and goes on, or, occasionally, the problem area being worked on is reframed.
The most common problem as Berner describes it is that the client:
doesn’t even consider or contemplate or meditate on your instruction at all, or he does it on the most superficial level. Because he hasn’t learned how to execute something subjectively or from himself, he does not execute the instruction.13
In this case the client must be helped to understand what is wanted so they can do it. They might not know how to look inside. It simply might make no sense to them because they have never tried it and no one has ever asked them to do it before, so how would they know?
A client’s ability to look inside and communicate might be a lot worse than one assumes it could be. They might present as a well-adjusted, aware, functioning individual with a responsible job, a house and a family all that looks normal, but when it gets down to the details of consulting themselves and reporting what is actually going on for them, they are in unknown territory.
If this is the case, they will have to be instructed, perhaps in detail, on how to look inside and comply. It will be necessary to start small
and build. This may mean explaining about compliance and being precise. When it is clear they are doing their best to look inside and comply with the instruction and communicate what comes up as a result, this must be accepted for the time being. The Clearer may know the compliance is not complete, but next time it will be deeper and clearer, and they have made a start and there has been progress. The client may go home after the session and explain something to their spouse more clearly than they have ever done before. That might be revolutionary in their household.
In some cases, however, the person might not communicate what came up enough for it to be accepted as a compliance. They are coming to sessions because to some degree or another they are not that great at communicating. So, even when they have looked inside and come up with a response and attempted to get it across, they may not have got it across enough for it to be recognised as such. This is true of many people. They go around certain they have been as clear as anyone could be, but in fact no one really understands much of what they are saying and no one puts the work in to try to get clear on it. For such a person, being clearer might not be as easy as just expanding the thought; they are not really certain about what they are saying themselves. They need help.
A Clearer should never be too strict about this. As long as the communication can be understood clearly enough as a compliance and recognised that the client is doing their best, this should be accepted for the time being; it is a start. But it will be vital to help them get clearer on what they are saying and draw them out until they are making better sense to themselves and to the Clearer.
A good example of this for me was Wilson. He was very able in some areas of his life and professionally highly successful. But when it came to talking about certain areas of problem around his relationships with people around him, such as more peripheral friends and people he saw as having authority in the community, his capacity to get himself across dropped dramatically and he felt so overwhelmed and stressed by it that he even struggled to identify the problem. Finally he whittled it down to something like, ‘I feel stupid and self-conscious when I
have to deal with some people in my life.’ We gradually worked through this until he became clearer about what was actually going on for him, and the level of charge was reduced to the point where he could relax more around it and work on it further to where he was rarely troubled by it. But to begin with, just getting to having a nameable problem to work on was extremely hard for Wilson. He came to the session knowing he wanted to work on this feeling of difficulty and stress but, when I asked him to talk more about it, he was tongue-tied and found it tremendously hard to focus on the issue, as it was so clumped up and stuck together in his mind. Eventually he said, ‘Some people make me really nervous.’ From that point we slowly built a picture of what happened in these situations and got clearer on it.
Withholding is another common problem. In fact, the whole problem of the mind can be described as one big problem of withholding. But there are different levels of this. There are many reasons why a person might not communicate what comes up for them when they look inside to find a compliance. They withhold the communication. They might, for instance, be ashamed of what they have thought of and assume they will not be respected or liked if they say it. Or they might not say it because they think no one could possibly understand; before, no one else ever understood, so why should the person in front of them this time be any different? Or they do not entirely understand what came up for them.
For one of these reasons they do not really communicate what came up or they say something else or only a small part of it that they think will satisfy their Clearer and get them off their back. Here is ample opportunity for going wrong because if this is ignored and the Clearer goes ahead and accepts any of these as a compliance, then the cycle will be disrupted and there will be no progress. They will lose faith if this non-compliance is accepted, even though this is what they are presenting. They will know it at some level and if it happens too often, they may not come back. In any case, the Clearer will end up having to go back later and work out what went wrong because it is a
disruption in the flow between the parties and it will halt the progress
– maybe not completely, but it will be clogged up.
James had a lot of withholds to begin with when he came for sessions. There was a lot of underlying shame that we gradually dealt with. But at first, he would regularly have an expression on his face suggesting something had come up when I asked him to say more about something. Then he would often shake his head, almost imperceptibly, and look around for something else to say. He always did his best to respond truthfully, but he often did not say the first thing that came into his head. The first thing was often loaded with anxiety and sometimes shame. In fact, he was so anxious about what might come up that he skirted round first thoughts just in case they were shameful and severely censored his responses, even though when he actually thought about it, it was quite difficult to come up with things of which he really felt ashamed.
When I would ask him what had come up first, he would say, ‘Ah, nothing important.’ I worked hard with him and gradually he began to express a part of it: ‘Oh, I didn’t like myself very much around that time but I’m over it now, I accept myself’; or even ‘Nothing came up really, I just had a thought about what I’ve got to do later.’ It took some skill to know which of these answers to pursue since it was clear he was doing his level best to communicate what came up and felt highly stressed by some of what he was holding back.
Then, one day, he came in and said, ‘I had decided not to say this, but I’m going to anyway’ and proceeded to tell me something about his past he’d been withholding, about the way he had behaved in a business deal of which he felt very ashamed. He told me also that, as far as he was concerned, he had never shown his real self to anyone. This was huge for him. But just saying these things lightened his demeanour immediately. His ability in getting himself across in sessions, and also in the rest of his life, leaped up and his business also started to flourish again.
The Clearer can derail the cycle all by themselves by not listening properly. They could have been triggered by something the client said into thinking about their own problems, with their mother, for instance, or they could simply be distracted by thinking about what they are going to cook for dinner or that they need to do their accounts. In any case, they were thinking about something else when the client was communicating and did not understand fully or missed a crucial word or phrase. In this case, the Clearer will need to ask them to say it again.
Another way a person may not have listened properly is that they were listening in a narrowed way because they were judging what the client was saying, perhaps not even consciously.
Ginny: I realised I was hearing what Rachel was saying about how she feels she should be doing more to help her mother, but although it was going into my ears, I was all the time thinking that, as far as I was concerned, she was doing more than enough. So I made an error that nearly destroyed the whole session. I told her she was giving herself a really hard time and was doing lots for her mother already and perhaps she should work at getting some support for herself.
As soon as I’d said it I could feel it was the wrong thing to say. Rachel looked at me in a strange way and I could see that I just hadn’t been listening properly to what her concerns really were. Whether or not she might be wise to look at her own support systems, that was not where the session was. At that point, it was essential to Rachel that I really understand her sadness about her mother and her feelings of being inadequate. My own ideas about what was reasonable had pretty much completely blocked out the real person in front of me trying to articulate her difficult feelings. From what I understood, I was the first person she was confiding in, and I was off on some mission and not with her and getting how it was for her at all. Even if I was right, and later had thought it was clear that Rachel could do with looking at her own support systems, the error was in not getting how it all was for her and making my own judgement, which was
actually quite different in many respects from her real sense of what was appropriate for her to do.
If the Clearer thinks the client is not really giving a compliance in line with the instruction, even though the client may think they are, and the Clearer does nothing to stop this, then the Clearer will become sleepy. They must think back. Was there something that was left unchallenged that they were not convinced by?
Clearer: Tell me how going around with the attitude that you’re special affects you in life.
Client: It means I treat people better. Clearer: OK, yes, thank you.
In this case, the Clearer was not sure how having an attitude of being special, which is what this client identified as something he often experienced, made him treat people better. It needed to be checked out. Letting this go and acknowledging it as a compliance in the face of uncertainty would derail the cycle.
If, on the other hand, the client is responding and the Clearer is happy they are getting compliances, but the client is not really convinced they are giving proper compliances, then the client will get sleepy. If this happens, the Clearer will need to check out what is going on with the client and get them to explain their compliances more until both get that they are complete.
Clearer: Tell me how going around with the attitude ‘I’m special’ affects you in life.
Client: Well, I suppose I tend to be quite proactive at work and put myself forward for new projects.
Clearer: Thank you. Tell me another way in which going around with the attitude ‘I’m special’ affects you in life.
Client: Being special means I treat people better.
Clearer: OK, thank you. Tell me another way in which going around with the attitude ‘I’m special’ affects you in life.
Client: Um…well, I guess it probably makes me a bit mean sometimes…like when people aren’t as good as I am at things, I can get impatient sometimes.
Clearer: Thank you, yes, I get that. Tell me another way in which going around with the attitude ‘I’m special’ affects you in life.
Client: (quite long pause) I’m not sure, really. I suppose thinking I’m special is a bit arrogant, so I probably offend people. I’ve mostly got it under control, but that sounds right, some people are offended by things I say.
Clearer: Thank you. Tell me another way in which going around with the attitude ‘I’m special’ affects you in life.
Client: (much longer pause) I don’t know, really. I don’t think this attitude really holds me up much in life. It seems to work pretty well for me most of the time.
In this case, it sounds like a clearing communication cycle, but it is not. The Clearer had had some experience of working with this sort of attitude, so she drew on this as well as her own case and filled in the gaps in the cycle herself. She understood how going around thinking you’re special can make you think you’re treating people better, so it could be a clear compliance and she made a mistake and elected to understand the responses in her own way. She did not check it out.
In fact, the client was feeling uneasy about his responses from the start. He was giving compliances he liked to think were true but he had already identified this as an attitude that was a problem for him, so what he was saying was out of line with that. The fact that his Clearer seemed to think it was OK was also confusing because of what they had been talking about with respect to this attitude. So his judgement felt mixed up. On the other hand, it was not requiring much hard work from him because he was increasingly intellectualising, so he carried on, as he was keen for the session to go well, and chose to assume she
was right. But as he relaxed into how easy the session had suddenly become, he started to feel sleepy.
Sometimes a session can be hard going and it will be derailed if the Clearer gives up on getting instructions across to the client. Cycles can be difficult to establish and the client may be in a bad way, going off on long tangents and never really grasping what it is that is being asked of them to start straightening this situation out. This requires tenacity and courage from a Clearer and sometimes they effectively give up on getting the instruction across to their client. In this case, they may end up with a pleasant enough chat or the client will just jump from one thing to another, but the session will not work. The Clearer has to be committed to helping the client, and to do this, the instruction must be clear and it must be communicated so that the client gets it and complies. It does not matter how long it takes to achieve this. This is the work. As soon as it is back on track, with the instruction clear, the energy snaps back and the muddled feeling that has likely built up clears. That muddled feeling is mind.
第二步，使[頭腦清醒]不同於僅僅相互交流，是你現在正在説明的人執行你告訴他做的事情，並告訴你他想出了什麼作為遵守你的指示的結果。
8
當客戶得到指示並遵守時，應該可以看到他們已經進去並尋找真正的回應。他們已經這樣做了，他們真誠地尋找，然後他們找到了一些東西並傳達了它。
雷切爾，更清楚的人：事實上，我和露西一起檢查過。我給她指示「告訴我她快樂
的時間。她似乎真的聽到了我的聲音，然後她會移開視線幾秒鐘，然後回答說：“我記得我四歲左右的時候，和姐姐在花園裡玩耍，感覺非常高興。陽光明媚，我們打扮得花枝招展，笑著跑來跑去。
客戶露西：瑞秋會給我一個像這裡這樣的指示。我花了一段時間才真正體會到她想要一個直接的答案。現在這看起來很奇怪，但實際上很奇怪，一開始看到這真的是想要的。我學會了真正傾聽她想要什麼，然後走進去尋求對我來說非常真實的回應。有時候很難說出來，但我漸漸學會了只為我說真話，就像那段和姐姐在一起的時光，很開心。
第二步實際上包括兩個動作：1）尋找和2）傳達他們的發現。可能是他們看了看，什麼也找不到。如果發生這種情況，那麼通常情況下，這是因為他們被困住了，而不是他們真的沒有做任何他們認為不應該做的事情。在這種情況下，需要鼓勵他們回去再看一遍，直到他們想出一些東西，無論大小。
沒有其他人可以為這個人做到這一點。學習和進步只能來自自己動手。Clearer可能會確定他們知道客戶在摸索什麼，向他們提供這種見解似乎是最有説明的事情。這是一個錯誤。可以準確地解釋他們想要什麼，以及為什麼，需要多少次，以盡可能多的方式。
每個[清除溝通週期]都必須包含您正在幫助的個人的行動。如果沒有，那麼你所做的只是操縱他或和他聊天，這可能是非常好和愉快的，但不會有任何能力的增加。所以他必須按照你的指示採取行動。
9
只是偶爾有人會往裡面看，照所吩咐的去做，卻什麼也找不到。如果他們真的看過，這沒關係。他們按照吩咐做了，並報告了回來。但大多數情況下會有一些東西可以聯繫起來，而清除者的工作是看到他們清楚地做到這一點。
第二步可能會出錯。例如，有些人很容易離開切線，不回答問題或說明。在日常對話中，這種情況一直在進行;他們可能會陷入隨意的聯繫中。10 人們被另一件事提醒，觸發第三件事，依此類推。這是有道理的，因為一件事與另一件事有點相關;但這些是鏈鏈，11 它們在頭腦中是隨機相關的。這些聯繫是沒有意義的，傾聽它們，雖然通常是社會規範，但如果目的實際上是提供真正的幫助和心靈的解脫，那麼是無濟於事的。
指令可能是「告訴我你做了一些你認為你不應該做的事情」，他們會想到一些事情。也許他們記得他們踢過貓一次，一直對此感到難過。他們可能會也可能不會報告這一點，如果他們沒有，那麼這本身就是一個問題。無論如何，這個想法可能會引發一個關於貓的故事，然後可能是一個關於鄰居的貓的故事等等，直到 Clearer 完全失去了線索，這個人現在正在談論他們在加勒比海的航海假期，而 Clearer 正在努力回到正題。
這種隨意的談話應該儘快停止。人們最初可能會對被打斷感到有點驚訝，特別是如果他們接受過一些其他類型的治療來鼓勵它。儘管如此，必須善意但堅定地打斷它們，必須追求遵守，否則迴圈將被打破。合規性和週期有所説明。必須充分表達和理解回應，直到該人完成為止，但不能超過此。它可能會引發一些見解，這可能是積極的。但這是一個判斷電話。如果這些見解對客戶來說顯然是真正新穎和有價值的東西，那麼重要的是要聽聽他們要說什麼，並可能鼓勵他們說更多的話，以完全從頭腦中釋放出來。另一方面，最初看起來像
切線的東西在某些情況下可能並非如此。有些人需要時間來努力實現合規性，如果要求他們解釋他們所說內容的相關性，他們可以這樣做。至少首先，他們可能需要講述整個故事以解釋合規性;如果沒有上下文，這對他們來說是不完整的。正如他們所看到的，他們的 Clearer 需要了解這些背景知識才能了解合規性。人們在這方面差異很大。但是，如果它只是在鏈條中從一個想法跳到另一個想法，它應該被阻止。應該尋求合規性，然後清除者必須繼續下一個指令。
另一個陷阱是，Clearer在下達指令之前沒有弄清楚，因此客戶不清楚他們想要什麼，或者由於其他原因不理解它。如果他們不理解指令，清除者有責任對其進行整理並傳達。
有一個適合[客戶]級別的好指令是值得的，但無論指導有多好，除非你知道你想要的是什麼，否則它都不會起作用。確保[客戶]已經得到了它，確保[客戶]對他已經回答了它感到滿意，並確保你確切地看到[客戶]是如何做到的看到這是一個答案或遵守。如果你不遵循那個程式，不管問題、說明或技術有多好，不管它有多合適，它都不會起作用。12
或者，客戶可能會給出 Clearer 不理解為合規的回應。
清妖嬈指示「告訴我一些他們認為不應該做的事情。鮑勃對此的反應是說：“我笑了。在這種情況下，Clearer不知道Bob指的是什麼，因此無法判斷它是否合規。所以他檢查了一下，果然，鮑勃可以很容易地解釋，這個指令立即引發了他的記憶，當他摔倒並割傷他的手併為此感到內疚時，他的弟弟被嘲笑。這是一種順從，因為這是他認為他不應該
做的事情。一旦解釋，Clearer就得到了它並承認了合規性。該週期已完成。
這個人是來尋求説明的，而清除者只是在那裡幫助他們。雖然阻止他們全力以赴似乎並不禮貌，但這樣做正在幫助他們，他們最終會感激它，即使他們一開始覺得這有點不禮貌或奇怪。事實上，如果他們不保持在直線和狹窄上，他們將很快對更清晰和過程失去信心，因為允許他們漫無邊際將沒有任何幫助，他們將在某種程度上知道這一點。
客戶可能對給出的指示不感興趣，並決定回答他們自己的一些替代指示;如果是這種情況，重新評估目前正在處理的領域並找到更符合該人所在位置的內容可能是相關的。但這也可能是一種迴避，所以追求它是至關重要的，直到客戶接近他們正在避免的事情並繼續下去，或者偶爾，正在處理的問題領域被重新構建。
正如伯納所描述的，最常見的問題是來訪者：
甚至根本不考慮、思考或冥想你的指令，或者他在最膚淺的層面上這樣做。因為他還沒有學會如何主觀地或從自己身上執行某事，所以他沒有執行指令。13
在這種情況下，必須幫助客戶瞭解想要什麼，以便他們能夠做到這一點。他們可能不知道如何向內看。這對他們來說可能根本沒有意義，因為他們從未嘗試過，以前也沒有人要求他們這樣做，所以他們怎麼知道？
客戶向內看和溝通的能力可能比人們想像的要差得多。他們可能表現為一個適應良好、有意識、功能正常的人，擁有一份負責任的工作、一所房子和一個家庭，看起來都很正常，但當涉及到諮詢自己並報告他們實際發生的事情的細節時，他們處於未知的領域。
如果是這種情況，他們將不得不得到指導，也許是詳細的，如何查看內部並遵守。有必要從小處
著手並構建。這可能意味著解釋合規性和精確性。什麼時候很明顯，他們正在盡最大努力向內看並遵守指示並傳達結果，這必須暫時接受。更清晰的人可能知道合規不完全，但下次會更深入、更清晰，他們已經有了開始，並且已經取得了進展。客戶可能會在會議結束後回家，比以往任何時候都更清楚地向他們的配偶解釋一些事情。這在他們的家庭中可能是革命性的。
但是，在某些情況下，該人可能沒有傳達足以將其接受為合規性的內容。他們來參加會議是因為在某種程度上他們並不擅長溝通。因此，即使他們向內看並提出了回應並試圖將其傳達出去，他們也可能沒有足夠的資訊來使其被識別出來。很多人都是如此。他們四處走動，確信他們已經像任何人一樣清楚，但事實上，沒有人真正理解他們在說什麼，也沒有人投入工作來試圖弄清楚它。對於這樣的人，更清晰可能並不像擴展思想那麼容易;他們自己並不真正確定自己在說什麼。他們需要説明。
一個更清晰的人不應該對此太嚴格。只要溝通能夠被足夠清楚地理解為合規，並認識到客戶正在盡力而為，這應該暫時被接受;這是一個開始。但至關重要的是幫助他們更清楚地瞭解他們在說什麼，並把他們拉出來，直到他們對自己和更清晰的人更有意義。
對我來說，一個很好的例子是威爾遜。他在生活的某些領域非常有能力，並且在專業上非常成功。但是，當談到他與周圍人的關係中的某些問題時，例如更多的週邊朋友和他認為在社區中具有權威的人，他讓自己瞭解的能力急劇下降，他感到不知所措和壓力，他甚至難以確定問題所在。最後，他把它簡化為這樣的事情，“當我
不得不與生活中的一些人打交道時，我感到愚蠢和自我意識。我們逐漸解決這個問題，直到他更清楚他到底發生了什麼，充電水準降低到他可以在它周圍放鬆更多，並進一步工作到他很少被它困擾的地方。但首先，對於威爾遜來說，僅僅解決一個可命名的問題是非常困難的。他來到會議時知道他想解決這種困難和壓力的感覺，但是，當我要求他更多地談論它時，他張口結舌，發現很難專注於這個問題，因為它在他的腦海中如此聚集並粘在一起。最後他說，『有些人讓我真的很緊張。從那時起，我們慢慢地描繪了這些情況下發生的事情，並變得更加清晰。
預扣稅是另一個常見問題。事實上，整個心靈的問題可以說是一個大問題。但是這有不同的層次。有很多原因導致一個人在看起來不明白時可能不會傳達他們遇到的問題。de 以找到合規性。他們拒絕溝通。例如，他們可能會為自己所想到的事情感到羞恥，並認為如果他們說出來，他們就不會受到尊重或喜歡。或者他們可能不說，因為他們認為沒有人可能理解;以前，誰也沒明白，為什麼這一次眼前的人會有什麼不同呢？或者他們不完全明白他們遇到了什麼。
出於這些原因之一，他們並沒有真正傳達所發生的事情，或者他們說了其他事情，或者只是其中的一小部分，他們認為會讓他們的 Clearer 滿意並讓他們擺脫困境。這裡有足夠的機會出錯，因為如果忽略這一點，並且 Clearer 繼續接受其中任何一個作為合規性，那麼迴圈將被打亂並且不會有任何進展。如果這種不遵守行為被接受，他們將失去信心，即使這是他們所呈現的。他們會在某種程度上知道它，如果它發生得太頻繁，他們可能不會回來。無論如何，Clearer最終將不得不稍後回去找出問題所在，因為這會破壞各方之間的流動，並且會
阻止進度
- 也許不是完全，但它會被堵塞。
詹姆斯在來上課時有很多扣留要開始。我們逐漸處理了很多潛在的羞恥感。但起初，當我要求他多說一些事情時，他臉上經常會出現一種表情，暗示有什麼事情發生了。然後他經常搖搖頭，幾乎不知不覺地，環顧四周，想說點別的話。他總是盡力如實回答，但他經常不說出他腦海中浮現的第一件事。第一件事往往充滿了焦慮，有時甚至是羞恥。事實上，他非常擔心可能出現什麼，以至於他繞過了第一個想法，以防它們令人羞恥，並嚴格審查了他的回答，即使當他真正想到它時，很難想出他真正感到羞恥的事情。
當我問他首先想到了什麼時，他會說，『啊，沒什麼重要的。我和他一起努力工作，漸漸地他開始表達其中的一部分：“哦，那段時間我不太喜歡自己，但現在我已經結束了，我接受自己”;甚至“真的什麼都沒想出來，我只是想了想我以後要做什麼。需要一些技巧才能知道要追求這些答案中的哪一個，因為很明顯他正在盡最大努力傳達出現的內容，並且對他所阻止的一些事情感到壓力很大。
然後，有一天，他進來說，『我決定不說這個，但無論如何我都要說』，然後繼續告訴我一些他一直隱瞞的過去，關於他在商業交易中的行為方式，他感到非常羞恥。他還告訴我，就他而言，他從未向任何人展示過真實的自我。這對他來說是巨大的。但光是說這些話，他的神態立刻就輕鬆了。他在會議中以及餘生中讓自己跨越的能力躍升，他的生意也開始再次蓬勃發展。
清除者可以自己破壞迴圈因為沒有正確傾聽。他們可能是被客戶說的話觸發的，開始思考他們自己的問題，例如和他們的母親，或者他們可能只是因為想著他們晚餐要做什麼或他們需要做賬而分心。無論如何，當客戶交流並且不完全理解或錯過關鍵單詞或短語時，他們會考慮其他事情。在這種情況下，清除者需要要求他們再說一遍。
一個人可能沒有正確傾聽的另一種方式是，他們以一種狹隘的方式傾聽，因為他們在判斷客戶在說什麼，甚至可能不是有意識的。
金妮：我意識到我聽到了瑞秋說她覺得她應該做更多的事情來説明她的母親，但儘管它進入了我的耳朵，我一直在想，就我而言，她做得綽綽有餘。所以我犯了一個錯誤，幾乎摧毀了整個會話。我告訴她，她給自己帶來了一段非常艱難的時光，並且已經為她的母親做了很多事情，也許她應該努力為自己爭取一些支援。
我一說出來，我就覺得說錯了。瑞秋用一種奇怪的方式看著我，我看得出來，我只是沒有好好傾聽她真正關心的問題。無論她是否明智地審視自己的支持系統，那都不是會議的地方。在這一點上，對瑞秋來說，我必須真正理解她對母親的悲傷和她不足的感覺。我自己關於什麼是合理的觀念幾乎完全遮罩了我面前試圖表達她困難感受的真實人物。據我所知，我是她向她傾訴的第一個人，我正在執行一些任務，而不是和她在一起，根本不瞭解她的情況。即使我是對的，後來認為瑞秋可以清楚地查看自己的支持系統，但錯誤在於沒有瞭解她的一切情況並做出自己的判斷，這
實際上在許多方面與她真正意義上的適合她做有很大不同。
如果清除者認為客戶並沒有真正按照指示遵守規定，即使客戶可能認為他們是，並且清除者沒有採取任何措施來阻止這一點，那麼清除者就會變得困倦。他們必須回想。有沒有一些他們不相信的東西沒有受到挑戰？
更清楚：告訴我你特別的態度如何影響你的生活。
客戶：這意味著我待人更好。更清楚：好的，是的，謝謝。
在這種情況下，Clearer不確定如何擁有一種特殊的態度，這是這位客戶認為他經常經歷的事情，如何讓他更好地對待別人。它需要檢查出來。在面對不確定性時，放任其並承認這是一種合規性將破壞迴圈。
另一方面，如果客戶正在回應並且 Clearer 很高興他們正在獲得合規性，但 clIent並不真正相信他們正在提供適當的合規性，然後客戶會感到困倦。如果發生這種情況，Clearer 將需要檢查客戶的情況，並讓他們更多地解釋他們的合規性，直到雙方都完成。
更清楚：告訴我“我很特別”的態度如何影響你的生活。
客戶：嗯，我想我在工作中往往非常積極主動，併為新專案提出自己。
更清楚：謝謝。告訴我另一種方式，以“我很特別”的態度四處走動會影響你的生活。
客戶：特別意味著我更好地對待別人。
更清楚：好的，謝謝。告訴我另一種方式，以“我很特別”的態度四處走動會影響你的生活。
客戶：嗯...好吧，我想有時可能會讓我有點刻薄......就像當人們在事情上不如我時，我有時會變得不耐煩。
更清楚：謝謝，是的，我明白了。告訴我另一種方式，以“我很特別”的態度四處走動會影響你的生活。
客戶：（相當長的停頓）我不確定，真的。我想認為我很特別有點傲慢，所以我可能會得罪人。我基本上已經控制住了它，但這聽起來沒錯，有些人被我說的話冒犯了。
更清楚：謝謝。告訴我另一種方式，以“我很特別”的態度四處走動會影響你的生活。
客戶：（停頓時間更長）我不知道，真的。我不認為這種態度真的讓我在生活中受到太多影響。大多數時候它似乎對我來說效果很好。
在這種情況下，這聽起來像是一個清晰的溝通週期，但事實並非如此。Clearer有一些以這種態度工作的經驗，所以她借鑒了這一點以及她自己的案例，並自己填補了週期中的空白。她明白，四處認為自己很特別會讓你認為自己對別人更好，所以這可能是一個明顯的順從，她犯了一個錯誤，並選擇以自己的方式理解回應。她沒有檢查出來。
事實上，客戶從一開始就對他的回答感到不安。他給出的順從是他喜歡認為是真的，但他已經確定這是一種對他來說是一個問題的態度，所以他說的話與此不符。事實上，他的Clearer似乎認為這是可以的，這也令人困惑，因為他們一直在談論這種態度。所以他的判斷感覺很混亂。另一方面，這並不需要他付出太多的努力，因為他的智力越來越高，所以他繼續前進，因為他渴望會議順利進行，並選擇假設她
是對的。但當他放鬆到會議突然變得如此容易時，他開始感到困倦。
有時，會話可能很難進行，如果 Clearer 放棄將指令傳達給客戶，它就會脫軌。週期可能很難建立，客戶可能處於糟糕的方式，在長切線上偏離並且從未真正真正掌握要求他們開始糾正這種情況的原因。這需要Clearer的堅韌和勇氣，有時他們實際上放棄了將指令傳達給客戶。在這種情況下，他們最終可能會進行足夠愉快的聊天，或者客戶只會從一件事跳到另一件事，但會話將不起作用。Clearer必須致力於幫助客戶，要做到這一點，指令必須明確，必須傳達，以便客戶得到並遵守。實現這一目標需要多長時間並不重要。這就是工作。一旦它回到正軌，指令清晰，能量就會恢復，可能已經建立起來的混亂感就會消失。那種糊塗的感覺就是頭腦。
The second step: the client does what they have been instructed to do
The second step, which makes [Mind Clearing] different than just communicating back and forth to each other, is that the individual you are helping now executes what it is that you told him to do and tells you what he came up with as a result of complying with your instruction.8
When the client has got the instruction and complies, it should be possible to see that they have gone inside and looked for a true response. They have done this, they have looked sincerely and then they find something and they communicate it.
Rachel, the Clearer: I checked it out with Lucy, in fact. I gave her the instruction to ‘Tell me a time she was
happy.’ She seemed to really hear me and then she would look away for a few seconds before responding with something like, ‘I remember when I was about four, playing in the garden with my sister and feeling really happy. The sun was shining and we were dressing up and running round laughing.’
Lucy, the client: Rachel would give me an instruction like the one here. It took me a little while to really appreciate that she wanted a straight answer to her question. Now that seems strange, but it was actually strange to start with to see that this was really what was wanted. I learned to really hear what she wanted and then go inside for a response that was really true for me. Sometimes it was difficult to say it, but I gradually learned to just say the truth for me, like that time with my sister and being happy.
Step two actually consists of two actions: 1) looking and 2) communicating what they found. It might be that they looked and could not find anything. If this happens, then more often than not, it is because they are stuck rather than there really is nothing they have done they think they should not have done. In this case, they will need to be encouraged to go back and look again until they come up with something, however big or small.
No one else can do this for the person. The learning and progress can only come from doing it themselves. The Clearer might be certain they know what the client is groping around for and it can seem like the most helpful thing to offer that insight to them. That is an error. It can be explained exactly what is wanted from them, and why, as many times and in as many ways as it takes.
Every [clearing communication cycle] must contain an action by the individual that you are helping. If it doesn’t, then all you are doing is just manipulating him or chatting with him, which might be very nice and pleasant but there won’t be any increase in ability. So he must carry out an action in compliance with your instruction.9
Just occasionally someone will look inside and do what was asked but there was nothing they could find. This is OK if they have really looked. They did what they were told to do and reported back. But mostly there will be something to relate and it is the Clearer’s job to see that they do this clearly.
There is plenty that can go awry with the second step. For instance, some people easily go off on tangents and do not respond to the question or instruction. In day-to-day conversation this goes on all the time; they might get stuck in casual connected thoughts.10 People are reminded of something by another thing that triggers a third thing, and so forth. It makes a kind of sense in that one thing is sort of related to the next; but these are chains,11 they are related randomly in the mind. The connections are meaningless, and listening to them, while often the social norm, is unhelpful if the purpose is actually to offer real help and relief from the mind.
The instruction might be to ‘Tell me something you did that you think you shouldn’t have done,’ and they think of something. Maybe they remember they kicked the cat one time and have always felt bad about it. They may or may not actually report this, and if they did not, then that is a problem in itself. In any case, the thought may trigger a story about the cat and then maybe a story about their neighbour’s cat and so on until the Clearer has lost the thread entirely and the person is now talking about their sailing holiday in the Caribbean and the Clearer is struggling to get back to the point.
This kind of random talking should be stopped as quickly as possible. People might be a bit surprised to be interrupted initially, especially if they have had some other kinds of therapy which encourage it. Nonetheless, they must kindly, but firmly, be interrupted and the compliance must be pursued, or the cycle will be broken. It is the compliance and cycle that helps. The response must be expressed and understood fully, until the person is complete on it, but not more than this. It may trigger some insights and that might be positive. But this is a judgement call. If the insights are clearly something really new and valuable to the client, then it is important to hear what they have to say and possibly encourage them to say more to discharge it completely from the mind. On the other hand, what might look
initially like a tangent may not be in some instances. Some people take time to work their way round to a compliance, and if they are asked to explain the relevance of what they are saying, they can do so. At least to start with, they may need to tell the whole story in order to explain the compliance; it would not be complete for them without the context. As they see it, their Clearer needs to know this background stuff in order to understand the compliance. People vary in this enormously. But if it is just jumping from one thought to another in a chain, it should be stopped. The compliance should be sought and then the Clearer must go on to the next instruction.
Another pitfall is that the Clearer did not get the thought straight before they gave the instruction and the client was consequently unclear on what was wanted of them or did not understand it for some other reason. If they have not understood the instruction, it is the Clearer’s responsibility to sort it out and get it across.
It pays to have a good instruction that’s appropriate to the [client’s] level, but no matter how good the instruction is, it won’t work unless you know what it is you’re after. Make sure the [client] has got it, make sure the [client] is satisfied that he has answered it and make sure you see exactly how the [client] sees that this is an answer or compliance to that. If you don’t follow that procedure, it doesn’t matter how good the question or the instruction or the technique is, it doesn’t matter how appropriate it is, it won’t work.12
Alternatively, the client might give a response the Clearer does not understand as a compliance.
The Clearer gave the instruction to ‘Tell me something they think they should not have done.’ Bob’s response to this was to say, ‘I laughed.’ The Clearer in this case had no idea what Bob was referring to and so could not judge whether or not it was a compliance. So he checked it out and, sure enough, Bob could easily explain that the instruction had immediately triggered a memory of laughing at his little brother when he fell down and cut his hand and feeling guilty about it. It was a compliance because it was something he thought he should not
have done. Once it was explained, the Clearer got it and acknowledged the compliance. The cycle was completed.
The person has come for help and the Clearer is only there to help them. While it may not seem polite to stop them in full flow, it is helping them by doing so and they will appreciate it finally, even if they find it a bit impolite or odd in the beginning. In fact, they will rapidly lose faith in the Clearer and the process if they are not kept on the straight and narrow, because allowing them to ramble will not be of any help and they will know this on some level.
The client may not be interested in the instruction given and decide to answer some alternative instruction of their own; if this is the case, it may be relevant to reassess the area currently being worked on and find something more in line with where the person is. But it may also be an avoidance, so it is vital to pursue it until either the client approaches what they are avoiding and goes on, or, occasionally, the problem area being worked on is reframed.
The most common problem as Berner describes it is that the client:
doesn’t even consider or contemplate or meditate on your instruction at all, or he does it on the most superficial level. Because he hasn’t learned how to execute something subjectively or from himself, he does not execute the instruction.13
In this case the client must be helped to understand what is wanted so they can do it. They might not know how to look inside. It simply might make no sense to them because they have never tried it and no one has ever asked them to do it before, so how would they know?
A client’s ability to look inside and communicate might be a lot worse than one assumes it could be. They might present as a well-adjusted, aware, functioning individual with a responsible job, a house and a family all that looks normal, but when it gets down to the details of consulting themselves and reporting what is actually going on for them, they are in unknown territory.
If this is the case, they will have to be instructed, perhaps in detail, on how to look inside and comply. It will be necessary to start small
and build. This may mean explaining about compliance and being precise. When it is clear they are doing their best to look inside and comply with the instruction and communicate what comes up as a result, this must be accepted for the time being. The Clearer may know the compliance is not complete, but next time it will be deeper and clearer, and they have made a start and there has been progress. The client may go home after the session and explain something to their spouse more clearly than they have ever done before. That might be revolutionary in their household.
In some cases, however, the person might not communicate what came up enough for it to be accepted as a compliance. They are coming to sessions because to some degree or another they are not that great at communicating. So, even when they have looked inside and come up with a response and attempted to get it across, they may not have got it across enough for it to be recognised as such. This is true of many people. They go around certain they have been as clear as anyone could be, but in fact no one really understands much of what they are saying and no one puts the work in to try to get clear on it. For such a person, being clearer might not be as easy as just expanding the thought; they are not really certain about what they are saying themselves. They need help.
A Clearer should never be too strict about this. As long as the communication can be understood clearly enough as a compliance and recognised that the client is doing their best, this should be accepted for the time being; it is a start. But it will be vital to help them get clearer on what they are saying and draw them out until they are making better sense to themselves and to the Clearer.
A good example of this for me was Wilson. He was very able in some areas of his life and professionally highly successful. But when it came to talking about certain areas of problem around his relationships with people around him, such as more peripheral friends and people he saw as having authority in the community, his capacity to get himself across dropped dramatically and he felt so overwhelmed and stressed by it that he even struggled to identify the problem. Finally he whittled it down to something like, ‘I feel stupid and self-conscious when I
have to deal with some people in my life.’ We gradually worked through this until he became clearer about what was actually going on for him, and the level of charge was reduced to the point where he could relax more around it and work on it further to where he was rarely troubled by it. But to begin with, just getting to having a nameable problem to work on was extremely hard for Wilson. He came to the session knowing he wanted to work on this feeling of difficulty and stress but, when I asked him to talk more about it, he was tongue-tied and found it tremendously hard to focus on the issue, as it was so clumped up and stuck together in his mind. Eventually he said, ‘Some people make me really nervous.’ From that point we slowly built a picture of what happened in these situations and got clearer on it.
Withholding is another common problem. In fact, the whole problem of the mind can be described as one big problem of withholding. But there are different levels of this. There are many reasons why a person might not communicate what comes up for them when they look inside to find a compliance. They withhold the communication. They might, for instance, be ashamed of what they have thought of and assume they will not be respected or liked if they say it. Or they might not say it because they think no one could possibly understand; before, no one else ever understood, so why should the person in front of them this time be any different? Or they do not entirely understand what came up for them.
For one of these reasons they do not really communicate what came up or they say something else or only a small part of it that they think will satisfy their Clearer and get them off their back. Here is ample opportunity for going wrong because if this is ignored and the Clearer goes ahead and accepts any of these as a compliance, then the cycle will be disrupted and there will be no progress. They will lose faith if this non-compliance is accepted, even though this is what they are presenting. They will know it at some level and if it happens too often, they may not come back. In any case, the Clearer will end up having to go back later and work out what went wrong because it is a
disruption in the flow between the parties and it will halt the progress
– maybe not completely, but it will be clogged up.
James had a lot of withholds to begin with when he came for sessions. There was a lot of underlying shame that we gradually dealt with. But at first, he would regularly have an expression on his face suggesting something had come up when I asked him to say more about something. Then he would often shake his head, almost imperceptibly, and look around for something else to say. He always did his best to respond truthfully, but he often did not say the first thing that came into his head. The first thing was often loaded with anxiety and sometimes shame. In fact, he was so anxious about what might come up that he skirted round first thoughts just in case they were shameful and severely censored his responses, even though when he actually thought about it, it was quite difficult to come up with things of which he really felt ashamed.
When I would ask him what had come up first, he would say, ‘Ah, nothing important.’ I worked hard with him and gradually he began to express a part of it: ‘Oh, I didn’t like myself very much around that time but I’m over it now, I accept myself’; or even ‘Nothing came up really, I just had a thought about what I’ve got to do later.’ It took some skill to know which of these answers to pursue since it was clear he was doing his level best to communicate what came up and felt highly stressed by some of what he was holding back.
Then, one day, he came in and said, ‘I had decided not to say this, but I’m going to anyway’ and proceeded to tell me something about his past he’d been withholding, about the way he had behaved in a business deal of which he felt very ashamed. He told me also that, as far as he was concerned, he had never shown his real self to anyone. This was huge for him. But just saying these things lightened his demeanour immediately. His ability in getting himself across in sessions, and also in the rest of his life, leaped up and his business also started to flourish again.
The Clearer can derail the cycle all by themselves by not listening properly. They could have been triggered by something the client said into thinking about their own problems, with their mother, for instance, or they could simply be distracted by thinking about what they are going to cook for dinner or that they need to do their accounts. In any case, they were thinking about something else when the client was communicating and did not understand fully or missed a crucial word or phrase. In this case, the Clearer will need to ask them to say it again.
Another way a person may not have listened properly is that they were listening in a narrowed way because they were judging what the client was saying, perhaps not even consciously.
Ginny: I realised I was hearing what Rachel was saying about how she feels she should be doing more to help her mother, but although it was going into my ears, I was all the time thinking that, as far as I was concerned, she was doing more than enough. So I made an error that nearly destroyed the whole session. I told her she was giving herself a really hard time and was doing lots for her mother already and perhaps she should work at getting some support for herself.
As soon as I’d said it I could feel it was the wrong thing to say. Rachel looked at me in a strange way and I could see that I just hadn’t been listening properly to what her concerns really were. Whether or not she might be wise to look at her own support systems, that was not where the session was. At that point, it was essential to Rachel that I really understand her sadness about her mother and her feelings of being inadequate. My own ideas about what was reasonable had pretty much completely blocked out the real person in front of me trying to articulate her difficult feelings. From what I understood, I was the first person she was confiding in, and I was off on some mission and not with her and getting how it was for her at all. Even if I was right, and later had thought it was clear that Rachel could do with looking at her own support systems, the error was in not getting how it all was for her and making my own judgement, which was
actually quite different in many respects from her real sense of what was appropriate for her to do.
If the Clearer thinks the client is not really giving a compliance in line with the instruction, even though the client may think they are, and the Clearer does nothing to stop this, then the Clearer will become sleepy. They must think back. Was there something that was left unchallenged that they were not convinced by?
Clearer: Tell me how going around with the attitude that you’re special affects you in life.
Client: It means I treat people better. Clearer: OK, yes, thank you.
In this case, the Clearer was not sure how having an attitude of being special, which is what this client identified as something he often experienced, made him treat people better. It needed to be checked out. Letting this go and acknowledging it as a compliance in the face of uncertainty would derail the cycle.
If, on the other hand, the client is responding and the Clearer is happy they are getting compliances, but the client is not really convinced they are giving proper compliances, then the client will get sleepy. If this happens, the Clearer will need to check out what is going on with the client and get them to explain their compliances more until both get that they are complete.
Clearer: Tell me how going around with the attitude ‘I’m special’ affects you in life.
Client: Well, I suppose I tend to be quite proactive at work and put myself forward for new projects.
Clearer: Thank you. Tell me another way in which going around with the attitude ‘I’m special’ affects you in life.
Client: Being special means I treat people better.
Clearer: OK, thank you. Tell me another way in which going around with the attitude ‘I’m special’ affects you in life.
Client: Um…well, I guess it probably makes me a bit mean sometimes…like when people aren’t as good as I am at things, I can get impatient sometimes.
Clearer: Thank you, yes, I get that. Tell me another way in which going around with the attitude ‘I’m special’ affects you in life.
Client: (quite long pause) I’m not sure, really. I suppose thinking I’m special is a bit arrogant, so I probably offend people. I’ve mostly got it under control, but that sounds right, some people are offended by things I say.
Clearer: Thank you. Tell me another way in which going around with the attitude ‘I’m special’ affects you in life.
Client: (much longer pause) I don’t know, really. I don’t think this attitude really holds me up much in life. It seems to work pretty well for me most of the time.
In this case, it sounds like a clearing communication cycle, but it is not. The Clearer had had some experience of working with this sort of attitude, so she drew on this as well as her own case and filled in the gaps in the cycle herself. She understood how going around thinking you’re special can make you think you’re treating people better, so it could be a clear compliance and she made a mistake and elected to understand the responses in her own way. She did not check it out.
In fact, the client was feeling uneasy about his responses from the start. He was giving compliances he liked to think were true but he had already identified this as an attitude that was a problem for him, so what he was saying was out of line with that. The fact that his Clearer seemed to think it was OK was also confusing because of what they had been talking about with respect to this attitude. So his judgement felt mixed up. On the other hand, it was not requiring much hard work from him because he was increasingly intellectualising, so he carried on, as he was keen for the session to go well, and chose to assume she
was right. But as he relaxed into how easy the session had suddenly become, he started to feel sleepy.
Sometimes a session can be hard going and it will be derailed if the Clearer gives up on getting instructions across to the client. Cycles can be difficult to establish and the client may be in a bad way, going off on long tangents and never really grasping what it is that is being asked of them to start straightening this situation out. This requires tenacity and courage from a Clearer and sometimes they effectively give up on getting the instruction across to their client. In this case, they may end up with a pleasant enough chat or the client will just jump from one thing to another, but the session will not work. The Clearer has to be committed to helping the client, and to do this, the instruction must be clear and it must be communicated so that the client gets it and complies. It does not matter how long it takes to achieve this. This is the work. As soon as it is back on track, with the instruction clear, the energy snaps back and the muddled feeling that has likely built up clears. That muddled feeling is mind.
You and me equals more than two 1+1>2
你和我等於兩個
以上 清晰的溝通週期也可以表示為一個公式（圖6.1）：我的溝通能力與你的溝通能力相加，加起來比我們任何一個人自己加起來都要多。所以，如果我有 6 個單元的溝通能力，而你有 2 個單元，那麼加在一起我們有 8 個單元。
在頭腦清醒課程期間，一個人的溝通能力會比平時更強，也許不會多達8個單位，但可能是6個單位，這是這個人平時能力的兩倍。會議可以迅速取得進展，這樣當他們走向世界時，他們可能不會帶著完整的 6 個單元，但即使是 4 或 5 個單元，而不是通常的 2 個單元，也會讓他們的溝通方式發生真正的變化。生活會改善。
圖6.1 清算公式
伯納測試的所有其他技術，如回憶過去，逃避指控和承擔責任，都很重要。即使沒有這個公式在運作，人們也可能感覺更好，因為他們可能已經釋放了一些情緒並讓自己的聲音被聽到。這可能相當於顯著的改進，但它仍然在思想領域。不會有實際的進步，因為頭腦沒有通過提高溝通能力的權宜之計來處理。
與鄧尼斯的合作從很小的步驟開始。他對讓自己穿越和被接受的信心很低，所以我們一起處理他生活中的各種關係和情況，每次都慢慢來培養鄧尼斯清楚地表達自己的能力。只進行了幾次會議，他就感覺開朗多了，
期待著來。我們之間的迴圈要好得多，一個典型的例子就是這個，當我們看到他的人生目標感時：
更清晰：告訴我你在生活中做的事情，你喜歡。鄧尼斯：嗯，這看起來有點傻，但我喜歡釣魚。
更清楚：謝謝。還有更多嗎？
鄧尼斯：我不知道，這看起來很愚蠢，但真的，是的，事實是，當我在威爾士度假時，我感覺非常好。這是生命中最美好的事情。我喜歡。
更清楚：我明白了，是的，謝謝。
這可能看起來像是一件小事，但以前鄧尼斯很難對自己或他的生活說任何積極的話，而且週期需要很長時間才能完成。我也很難聽到我在說什麼，即使他聽到了，也很難相信我真的對他要說的話感興趣。所以他會給我一個答案，這個答案通常與教學完全無關，但他認為會更有趣。他有一個想法，他必須娛樂人們，否則他們不會愛他。我們討論了這個，這很有説明（後來我們回到了這種態度並取得了很好的效果），但當時真正對鄧尼斯有用的是看到我想知道，我足夠關心他，堅持下去，直到我得到對指示的回應。更進一步，承認他的回答，當它是直接的，即使對他來說看起來很平凡或普通，對他來說也是令人驚訝的。他在會議結束後引用了上面的話：
我只想說，這真是太棒了。我從來沒有真正對任何人說過釣魚的事情，因為我認為人們會認為我真的很無聊。但這對我來說真的很重要。那是我感覺最有活力的時候。告訴你和讓你感興趣的感覺真好。謝謝。這真的很重要。
第一步：下達指令
要使清晰的溝通週期成功，需要發生的事情是必須將清晰的想法傳達給另一個人，以便他們有任務要執行並知道他們必須做什麼才能遵守。
。明確你想讓你説明的人做什麼，並將這個想法傳達給他，以便那個人理解它。當你這樣做時，這個人就會知道你想讓他做什麼.5
我們在與人的談話中大部分時間都是模糊的;在這種情況下，模棱兩可是不行的。這個想法，理想情況下是一個指導，但也許是一個問題，必須完全和全心全意地傳達給客戶，沒有戲劇性或強調。清除者一定也真的想知道會有什麼反應。
例如，如果有清晰的想法告訴我你後悔的事情（關於特定情況），那麼在說出來之前，整個想法需要在清晰者的腦海中直截了當。然後應該清晰而全面地交付。重要的是，客戶要充分理解和接受這種想法，所以更清晰的人必須盡一切努力實現這一目標。他們可能首先需要解釋他們將要發出指示，如有必要，在下達指令之前，他們為什麼選擇該特定指示以及它的含義。
如果你不知道你在追求什麼，除了困惑之外，你能與[客戶]溝通什麼？如果你從一張紙上得到問題，並在自己沒有完全理解的情況下將其交付給[客戶]，那麼[客戶]將收到的只是：一堆帶有模糊想法的單詞，它在一張紙上說[Clearer]應該問。這是他將要接受的想法。他實際上會得到這個想法，因為這就是你的想法。
6 精確的表達不是傳達指令的重要因素;溝通才是最重要的。在這個參數範圍內，Clearer可以使用任何需要的東西，只要它是合乎道德的，將想法或指示傳達
給另一個人。
用於傳達它的思想和語言必須是精確的。語言使用的不精確反映了理解不明確。帕坦伽利說：「當語言沒有追蹤[真實]物體時，就會產生言語妄想。7 我們必須小心並認識到我們自己的不理解反映在我們的語言中。
在第一步中，其他事情也可能出錯。Clearer必須真正對客戶給出的任何答案持開放態度。沒有正確的答案;有Just 客戶對指令給出的答案，只要它是對該特定指令或問題的明確回應。知道回應應該是什麼是一個錯誤，因為它沒有對該用戶端的實際情況開放。
阿曼達正在與馬特合作，處理他與母親的關係。解開困難，很明顯，它可以幫助解決馬特強烈的憤怒和內疚感。所以她指示他：「告訴我你對你母親做了一些你認為你不應該做的事情。
她後來意識到，她從一開始就犯了一個錯誤。馬特在之前的一次會議中告訴過她，關於他和他母親的關係，牢牢地印在她的腦海裡，她只是半意識地認為他肯定對這件事懷有相當多的內疚。那是在他十幾歲的時候，他開始吸毒。有一次，他襲擊了他的母親，把她打得很重。當她下達指令時，她心裡就想到了這一點。但這是馬特在她估計中做錯的事情。就她所知，他並不認為這是一件壞事，但阿曼達期待這種情況的出現，並正在尋找它作為一種順從。結果，當馬特說的不是這件事時，她只半信半疑。她實際上並不對馬特的真實情況持開放態度，這成為一個問題，直到阿曼達意識到她對馬特的回應施加的限制。她不願意在繼續前進更有用的時候結束這種特殊的技術，因為她在等待馬特想出這一件事。
如果客戶給出的回復不清楚者不同意是正確的，則可能會出現另一個問題。在這種情況下，迴圈也不會完成。例如，如果Clearer給出指示，“告訴我你喜歡的生活”，而客戶回答，“我喜歡報復工作中的人，搞砸他們的職業前景”，這可能是Clearer很難接受的事情，因為這是任何人都能真正熱愛生活的東西，因為這不符合他們對生活熱愛的看法。他們可能會確切地檢查為什麼這是客戶真正「喜歡」的東西，以及這對他們意味著什麼，但如果客戶的回應是真誠的，那麼Clearer必須簡單地接受這是一種合規性。
清除者有責任確保客戶理解並接受指示。如果這出錯，那麼迴圈在開始之前就崩潰了。如果第一次或第二次不起作用，那麼繼續努力讓它傳達是很重要的。這不一定是通過一次又一次地重複來實現的;這可能會使不理解的問題更加複雜，並且需要很長時間。如果他們不理解，就有必要找到另一種方法來傳達它。必須這樣做，直到很明顯該人已經得到指示並知道想要什麼。Clearer應該讓他們盡可能容易。然而，Clearer可能已經盡其所能來傳達它，但不確定它是否被理解。確保他們得到它的最簡單方法是客戶繼續並遵守。但他們可能需要一段時間要做到這一點，可能值得與他們一起檢查一下。Clearer會盡一切努力將想法或指示傳達給客戶，直到確定他們已經得到了它。
許多事情都可能出錯，即使有這個聽起來相對簡單的第一步。有很多陷阱的機會會破壞迴圈，意味著不會取得任何進展。一開始可能是錯誤的指示。如果正在處理的領域不是當時該人真正感興趣的領域，則會出現這種情況;然後，這項工作是違背穀物的，如果有的話，也不會有太大説明。
例如，如果客戶剛剛與她的老闆發生了激烈的爭吵，離開了她的工作，只能考慮後果，
那麼在這一點上繼續與她早已去世的母親溝通可能沒有説明。在回到另一個領域之前，Clearer需要看看當前的危機。如果犯了這個錯誤，而Clearer在面對最小的興趣時繼續耕耘，客戶將失去信心。他們可能仍然會盡最大努力遵守並完成工作，但實際上 Clearer 已經失去了他們。
這發生在一個來找我大約八次的客戶身上。事情越來越棘手，大約從第四節課開始，我離開時會感到沉重和困惑。我們似乎正在研究好的、相關的材料，但感覺就像我在與一些模糊的東西作鬥爭。第八節課後，我也很確定她不會回來，因為我們的結局如此平淡，她不確定下一次什麼時候有空。所以我得到了諮詢，真正關注我們之間發生的事情。
最後，令我寬慰的是，她確實回來了，所以在第九次會議開始時，我問她情況如何，到目前為止有什麼幫助，什麼沒有説明。我對她的回答感到非常吃驚。她告訴我，就在一開始的時候，她就提出了一個非常重要的問題，關於她最好的朋友的情況。但是，我沒有問她那段時間想做什麼，而是認為她丈夫的持續麻煩會是我們會看到的，我只是繼續這樣做。當時我認為這是一個合理的假設，因為他們之間的事情非常不穩定，他們剛剛發生了衝突。但實際上，她對她的朋友的問題感到非常困擾，並且非常想在會議上解決這個問題。雖然在隨後的五次會議中，我們顯然做了一些很好的工作，但現在我立即看到我們根本沒有取得太多進展，因為她已經不再相信這項工作，坐在那裡彬彬有禮，接受這一切並盡力而為，但真的很怨恨我，感覺被忽視了。
在第九節課開始時的那次演講之後，一切都變了。我真的明白這有什麼影響，並承認我犯了一個錯誤。我們之間的氣氛就在那時變得清晰起來，我們勇往直前，感覺
就像我們在一起工作。事實上，我感到非常感動，她足夠誠實地告訴我，而且我愚蠢到認為我最瞭解她。
當指令發出時，這個人可能沒有正確注意，而清除者沒有注意到或繼續前進，希望這個人能趕上。重要的是等到客戶的注意力就在那裡。
Michaela：當弗蘭克來找我參加課程時，他已經做了很多工作，特別是在啟蒙強化課程中，並且非常善於向內看。所以他清楚地知道他想做什麼，我認為沒有理由不繼續下去。所以我們直接投了進去。弗蘭克對這種格式很熟悉，所以我會去下達一個指令，比如“告訴我這個問題被抑制了什麼”，他會在我給出它的中途失去與我的眼神交流。通過觀察他，我非常確定這是因為他太渴望開始了，甚至在我完成教學之前，他就開始在裡面尋找回應。他很快就會回來一個深思熟慮的，有時甚至是強有力的回應。所以我犯了一個錯誤，假設一切都很好，並允許這種情況繼續下去。但大約30分鐘后，在我看來，能量已經耗盡了會議。我正在下達指令，他也在回應，一切看起來都很好，但我只是知道事實並非如此，我有一個想法，這是關於眼神交流的事情，因為它讓我有點困擾。我告訴自己沒關係，但確實如此。因此，我暫停了會議，並與弗蘭克談論了充分接受指導並在進入他體內尋求回應之前看著我的重要性。
他明白了，我們重新開始。這一次我下達了指示，弗蘭克留在我身邊，保持眼神交流，所以我知道，我可以立即感覺到不同。他只是在得到指示后才移開視線，然後他做了一些新的事情：他停下來真正接受指示並考慮回應。然後我得到的回復品質完全不同。他以前一直非常開放和清晰，但感覺
我們之間有真正的工作正在進行，現在的參與品質。結果，弗蘭克達到了比我認為如果我們像以前一樣繼續下去他會發現的更深層次的洞察力。在會議結束時，當我問他是否有任何評論時，他立即說他非常感謝我停止了它並澄清了該怎麼做。他說他已經對這種工作風格非常熟悉，以至於它變得有點自動，但是，當他等待聽到指示時，他立即覺得我想瞭解他。這讓他感到更加脆弱，但也被感動了，他說他發現自己想出了不同類型的回應，感覺它們更多的是對他來說真正真實的。
我們可能犯的另一個錯誤是沒有直接向我們面前的人說話。出於這個原因，我們可能不會注意到他們是否得到了它。幾乎任何事情都可能出錯;這可能超出了客戶當前理解或遵守的能力。這對他們來說甚至可能太容易了，所以他們遙遙領先並失去興趣。我們必須做很多事情才能使指令直截了當，並將其清楚地傳達給客戶。
You and me equals more than two
The clearing communication cycle can also be represented as a formula (Figure 6.1): the adding together of my ability in communication with your ability in communication adds up to more than either of us has on our own. So, if I have 6 units of ability in communicating and you have 2 units, then added together we have 8 units.
For the duration of a Mind Clearing session, a person will have more ability in communication than usual, maybe not as many as 8 units, but perhaps 6 units, which is double the person’s usual capacity. Progress can swiftly be made in session so that, when they go out into the world, they may not carry the full 6 units away with them, but even 4 or 5 units, as opposed to the usual 2 units, makes for a real change in the way they communicate. Life will improve.
Figure 6.1 The Clearing formula
All the other techniques Berner tested out, like remembering the past, drawing off the charge and taking responsibility, are important. Even without this formula in operation, people may feel better because they may have discharged some emotion and got themselves heard. This may amount to significant improvement, but it is still in the realm of mind. There will be no actual progress because the mind has not been dealt with through the expedient of improving the ability to communicate.
Working with Denis began with quite small steps. His confidence in getting himself across and being received were low, so we worked together on various relationships and situations in his life, each time taking it slowly to develop Denis’ ability to get himself across clearly. After
only a few sessions, he was feeling much more cheerful and looked forward to coming along. The cycles between us were going much better and a typical example was this one, when we were looking at his sense of purpose in life:
Clearer: Tell me something you do in life that you enjoy. Denis: Well, it may seem a bit silly, but I enjoy fishing.
Clearer: Thank you. Is there any more on that?
Denis: I don’t know, it seems so silly but really, yes, the truth is I feel really good when I’m fly-fishing down in Wales where I go on holiday. It’s the best thing in life. I love it.
Clearer: I got it, yes, thank you.
This may look like a small thing, but previously it had been very difficult for Denis to say anything positive about himself or his life and the cycles had taken a long time to complete. It was also hard to hear what I was saying, and even when he did, to believe I was actually interested in what he had to say. So he would give me an answer that was often not related to the instruction at all but which he believed would be more entertaining. He had an idea that he had to entertain people or they would not love him. We discussed this and that helped (later on we went back to that attitude and tackled it with great results), but what really worked for Denis at the time was to see that I wanted to know and that I cared enough to persist with him until I got a response to the instruction. Still further, acknowledging his response, when it was direct, even if it seemed mundane or ordinary to him, was astonishing to him. He said this after the session quoted from above:
I just want to say that this has been amazing. I never really said anything about the fishing to anyone much because I thought people would think I was really boring. But it’s really important to me. It’s when I feel most alive. And it feels so good to tell you and for you to be interested. Thank you. It really matters.
The first step: giving the instruction
What needs to happen for a clearing communication cycle to be successful is that a clear thought must be conveyed to another person such that they have a task to perform and know what they must do to comply.
…get clear on what you want the person that you are helping to do and to get that thought across to him so that that person understands it. When you do this the person then knows what you want him to do.5
We are vague in our conversation with people much of the time; it is not OK to be vague in this situation. The thought, as an instruction ideally, but maybe a question, must be conveyed to the client fully and wholeheartedly without drama or emphasis. The Clearer must also really want to know what the response is going to be.
For instance, if there is the clear thought to tell me something you regret (about a particular situation), then that entire thought needs to be straight in the Clearer’s mind before saying it. Then it should be delivered clearly and fully. It is important that the client understand and receive that thought fully, so the Clearer must do whatever it takes to achieve that end. They might first need to explain that they are going to give the instruction and, if necessary, why they have chosen that particular instruction and what it means, before giving it.
If you don’t know what you’re after, what can you possibly communicate to the [client] but confusion? If you get the question off of a piece of paper and deliver it to the [client] without a full understanding of it yourself, what the [client] will receive is just that: a bunch of words with some vague idea that it says on a sheet of paper that the [Clearer] should ask. That is the thought he will receive. He will actually get that thought, because that’s the thought you have.6
The precise expression is not what matters in getting the instruction across; the communication is what matters. Within that parameter the Clearer can use whatever it takes, as long as it is ethical, to get the
thought or instruction across to the other person. The thought and the language used to convey it must be precise. Imprecision in the use of language reflects unclear understanding. Patanjali says, ‘Verbal delusion arises when words do not track [real] objects.’7 We must take care and recognise our own non-understanding reflected in our language.
Other things can also go wrong in this first step. The Clearer must be genuinely open to whatever answer the client gives. There is no right answer; there is just the answer the client gives to the instruction, just as long as it is a clear response to that particular instruction or question. Having an idea of what the response should be is an error since it is not being open to how it actually is for that client.
Amanda was working with Matt on his relationship with his mother. Unpacking the difficulties it became clear that it could help to work with Matt’s strong feelings of anger and guilt. So she gave the instruction to him to ‘Tell me something you did to your mother you think you shouldn’t have done.’
She realised later that she had made a mistake right from the start. Something Matt had told her in a previous session, about his relationship with his mother, had stuck firmly in her mind and she had only semi-consciously thought that he must surely be carrying quite a lot of guilt around about the incident. It had been when he was a teenager and had been into drugs. On one occasion he had attacked his mother and injured her quite badly. She had had this in her mind when she gave the instruction. But this was something Matt had done wrong in her estimation. For all she knew, he did not think it was a bad thing, yet Amanda was expecting this to come up and was looking for it as a compliance. As a result, she was only half-open to what Matt was saying when it was not about this incident. She was not actually open to what was true for Matt and this became a problem until Amanda realised the restrictions she was putting on Matt’s responses. She had not been willing to draw that particular technique to a close when it would have been more useful to move on, because she was waiting for Matt to come up with this one thing.
Another problem can arise if the client gives a response that the Clearer does not agree is correct. In this case, too, the cycle will not be complete. For instance, if the Clearer gives the instruction, ‘Tell me something you love about life,’ and the client responds, ‘I love taking revenge on people at work and messing up their career prospects,’ this may be something the Clearer finds difficult to accept as something that anyone could really love about life, because it does not correspond to their views about what there is to love about life. They might check out exactly why that is something the client really ‘loves’ and what that means for them, but if the client is sincere in their response, then the Clearer must simply accept this as a compliance.
It is the Clearer’s responsibility to see that the client understands and receives the instruction. If this goes wrong, then the cycle is crashed before it begins. If it did not work the first or second time, then it is important to keep working on getting it across. That is not necessarily achieved by repeating it again and again; that may compound the problem of non-understanding and take a long time. If they do not understand, it will be necessary to find another way to get it across. This must be done until it is evident that the person has got the instruction and knows what is wanted of them. The Clearer should make this as easy for them as possible. However, the Clearer might have done what they could to get it across but not be certain whether or not it was understood. The easiest way of being sure they got it is that the client simply goes ahead and complies. But they might take a while to do this and it could be worth checking it out with them. The Clearer does what it takes to get the thought or instruction across to the client until it is certain they have got it.
Many things can go wrong, even with this relatively simple- sounding first step. There are numerous opportunities for pitfalls that will derail the cycle and mean no progress will be made. It might be the wrong instruction to begin with. This would be the case if the area being worked on is not really where the person’s interest is at that time; the work is then going against the grain and it will not help much, if at all.
For example, if the client has just had a blazing row with her boss and walked out of her job and can only think about the consequences,
then it may not be helpful to continue to work on her communication to her long-dead mother at that point. The Clearer would need to look at the current crisis before going back to the other area. If this mistake is made and the Clearer ploughs on in the face of minimal interest, the client will lose faith. They will probably still do their best to comply and do the work, but really the Clearer has lost them.
This happened with a client who had been coming to me for about eight sessions. The going had been increasingly sticky and, from about the fourth session, I would come away feeling heavy and confused. We would seem to be working on good, relevant material, but it felt like I was fighting something blurry. After the eighth session, I was also pretty sure she wouldn’t come back because we’d ended in such a flat way and she hadn’t been sure about when she’d be free next. So I got consultation and really focused on what was happening between us.
Finally, and to my relief, she did come back so, at the start of the ninth session, I asked her how things were going for her and what had helped and what hadn’t so far. I was quite taken aback by her response. She told me that right back near the start, she had brought a really important issue to the session about a situation with her best friend. But instead of asking her what she wanted to work on that time, I’d assumed the ongoing trouble with her husband would be what we would look at and I just went on ahead with that. At the time I thought it was a reasonable assumption to make, as things were quite rocky between them and they had just had a confrontation. But really she had felt very troubled by the issue with her friend and wanted badly to sort that out in the session. Although we’d apparently done some good work in the subsequent five sessions, I could immediately see now that we hadn’t got anywhere much at all because she’d stopped believing in the work and was sitting there being polite, going along with it all and trying her best, but really resenting me and feeling unheard.
After that talk at the start of session nine, everything changed. I really understood what effect this had had and admitted I’d made a mistake. The atmosphere between us clarified right then and we forged ahead and it really
felt like we were working together. I felt very moved, in fact, humbled that she’d been honest enough to tell me and also that I’d been fool enough to think I knew best for her.
The person might not be paying attention properly when the instruction is delivered and the Clearer did not notice or went ahead anyway hoping the person would catch up. It is important to wait until the client’s attention is right there.
Michaela: When Frank came to me for sessions he’d already done a lot of work, especially in Enlightenment Intensives, and was very well practised at looking inside. So he came along with a clear idea of what he wanted to work on and I saw no reason not to go ahead with that. So we plunged right in. Frank was familiar with the format, so I would go to give an instruction like, ‘Tell me what was suppressed in that problem,’ and he would lose eye contact with me halfway through me giving it. I was pretty sure from observing him that this was because he was so eager to get going that he was starting to look inside for a response even before I’d finished the instruction. He would quite quickly come back with a considered and sometimes powerful response. So I made a mistake and assumed all was well and allowed this to continue. But after about 30 minutes, it seemed to me that the energy had gone out of the session. I was giving instructions and he was responding, and it all looked OK but I just knew it wasn’t and I had an idea it was something about that eye contact because it was bothering me a bit. I’d told myself it didn’t matter, but it did. So I paused the session and spoke to Frank about the importance of receiving the instruction fully and looking at me before going inside himself for a response.
He understood and we started again. This time I gave the instruction and Frank stayed with me, holding eye contact so I knew and I could feel the difference immediately. He only looked away when he’d got the instruction and then he did something new: he paused to really take the instruction in and to consider the response. The quality of responses I then got was quite different. He had been perfectly open and clear before, but it felt like
there was real work going on between us and a quality of engagement now. As a result, Frank reached a much deeper level of insight than I think he would have found had we carried on as before. At the end of the session, when I asked if he had any comments, he immediately said how grateful he was that I’d stopped it when I had and clarified what to do. He said he’d become so familiar with the style of work that it had become a bit automatic, but, when he waited to hear the instruction, he instantly felt like I wanted to know about him. This made him feel more vulnerable but also touched and he said he found himself coming up with different kinds of responses that felt like they were much more about what was really true for him.
Another error we can make is not addressing ourselves straight to the individual in front of us. For this reason as well, we might not notice whether they got it or not. Almost anything can go wrong; it might be beyond the client’s current ability to understand or to comply. It might even be too easy for them, so they are way ahead and lose interest. There is a lot we have to get right in getting the instruction straight and getting it across to the client clearly.
以上 清晰的溝通週期也可以表示為一個公式（圖6.1）：我的溝通能力與你的溝通能力相加，加起來比我們任何一個人自己加起來都要多。所以，如果我有 6 個單元的溝通能力，而你有 2 個單元，那麼加在一起我們有 8 個單元。
在頭腦清醒課程期間，一個人的溝通能力會比平時更強，也許不會多達8個單位，但可能是6個單位，這是這個人平時能力的兩倍。會議可以迅速取得進展，這樣當他們走向世界時，他們可能不會帶著完整的 6 個單元，但即使是 4 或 5 個單元，而不是通常的 2 個單元，也會讓他們的溝通方式發生真正的變化。生活會改善。
圖6.1 清算公式
伯納測試的所有其他技術，如回憶過去，逃避指控和承擔責任，都很重要。即使沒有這個公式在運作，人們也可能感覺更好，因為他們可能已經釋放了一些情緒並讓自己的聲音被聽到。這可能相當於顯著的改進，但它仍然在思想領域。不會有實際的進步，因為頭腦沒有通過提高溝通能力的權宜之計來處理。
與鄧尼斯的合作從很小的步驟開始。他對讓自己穿越和被接受的信心很低，所以我們一起處理他生活中的各種關係和情況，每次都慢慢來培養鄧尼斯清楚地表達自己的能力。只進行了幾次會議，他就感覺開朗多了，
期待著來。我們之間的迴圈要好得多，一個典型的例子就是這個，當我們看到他的人生目標感時：
更清晰：告訴我你在生活中做的事情，你喜歡。鄧尼斯：嗯，這看起來有點傻，但我喜歡釣魚。
更清楚：謝謝。還有更多嗎？
鄧尼斯：我不知道，這看起來很愚蠢，但真的，是的，事實是，當我在威爾士度假時，我感覺非常好。這是生命中最美好的事情。我喜歡。
更清楚：我明白了，是的，謝謝。
這可能看起來像是一件小事，但以前鄧尼斯很難對自己或他的生活說任何積極的話，而且週期需要很長時間才能完成。我也很難聽到我在說什麼，即使他聽到了，也很難相信我真的對他要說的話感興趣。所以他會給我一個答案，這個答案通常與教學完全無關，但他認為會更有趣。他有一個想法，他必須娛樂人們，否則他們不會愛他。我們討論了這個，這很有説明（後來我們回到了這種態度並取得了很好的效果），但當時真正對鄧尼斯有用的是看到我想知道，我足夠關心他，堅持下去，直到我得到對指示的回應。更進一步，承認他的回答，當它是直接的，即使對他來說看起來很平凡或普通，對他來說也是令人驚訝的。他在會議結束後引用了上面的話：
我只想說，這真是太棒了。我從來沒有真正對任何人說過釣魚的事情，因為我認為人們會認為我真的很無聊。但這對我來說真的很重要。那是我感覺最有活力的時候。告訴你和讓你感興趣的感覺真好。謝謝。這真的很重要。
第一步：下達指令
要使清晰的溝通週期成功，需要發生的事情是必須將清晰的想法傳達給另一個人，以便他們有任務要執行並知道他們必須做什麼才能遵守。
。明確你想讓你説明的人做什麼，並將這個想法傳達給他，以便那個人理解它。當你這樣做時，這個人就會知道你想讓他做什麼.5
我們在與人的談話中大部分時間都是模糊的;在這種情況下，模棱兩可是不行的。這個想法，理想情況下是一個指導，但也許是一個問題，必須完全和全心全意地傳達給客戶，沒有戲劇性或強調。清除者一定也真的想知道會有什麼反應。
例如，如果有清晰的想法告訴我你後悔的事情（關於特定情況），那麼在說出來之前，整個想法需要在清晰者的腦海中直截了當。然後應該清晰而全面地交付。重要的是，客戶要充分理解和接受這種想法，所以更清晰的人必須盡一切努力實現這一目標。他們可能首先需要解釋他們將要發出指示，如有必要，在下達指令之前，他們為什麼選擇該特定指示以及它的含義。
如果你不知道你在追求什麼，除了困惑之外，你能與[客戶]溝通什麼？如果你從一張紙上得到問題，並在自己沒有完全理解的情況下將其交付給[客戶]，那麼[客戶]將收到的只是：一堆帶有模糊想法的單詞，它在一張紙上說[Clearer]應該問。這是他將要接受的想法。他實際上會得到這個想法，因為這就是你的想法。
6 精確的表達不是傳達指令的重要因素;溝通才是最重要的。在這個參數範圍內，Clearer可以使用任何需要的東西，只要它是合乎道德的，將想法或指示傳達
給另一個人。
用於傳達它的思想和語言必須是精確的。語言使用的不精確反映了理解不明確。帕坦伽利說：「當語言沒有追蹤[真實]物體時，就會產生言語妄想。7 我們必須小心並認識到我們自己的不理解反映在我們的語言中。
在第一步中，其他事情也可能出錯。Clearer必須真正對客戶給出的任何答案持開放態度。沒有正確的答案;有Just 客戶對指令給出的答案，只要它是對該特定指令或問題的明確回應。知道回應應該是什麼是一個錯誤，因為它沒有對該用戶端的實際情況開放。
阿曼達正在與馬特合作，處理他與母親的關係。解開困難，很明顯，它可以幫助解決馬特強烈的憤怒和內疚感。所以她指示他：「告訴我你對你母親做了一些你認為你不應該做的事情。
她後來意識到，她從一開始就犯了一個錯誤。馬特在之前的一次會議中告訴過她，關於他和他母親的關係，牢牢地印在她的腦海裡，她只是半意識地認為他肯定對這件事懷有相當多的內疚。那是在他十幾歲的時候，他開始吸毒。有一次，他襲擊了他的母親，把她打得很重。當她下達指令時，她心裡就想到了這一點。但這是馬特在她估計中做錯的事情。就她所知，他並不認為這是一件壞事，但阿曼達期待這種情況的出現，並正在尋找它作為一種順從。結果，當馬特說的不是這件事時，她只半信半疑。她實際上並不對馬特的真實情況持開放態度，這成為一個問題，直到阿曼達意識到她對馬特的回應施加的限制。她不願意在繼續前進更有用的時候結束這種特殊的技術，因為她在等待馬特想出這一件事。
如果客戶給出的回復不清楚者不同意是正確的，則可能會出現另一個問題。在這種情況下，迴圈也不會完成。例如，如果Clearer給出指示，“告訴我你喜歡的生活”，而客戶回答，“我喜歡報復工作中的人，搞砸他們的職業前景”，這可能是Clearer很難接受的事情，因為這是任何人都能真正熱愛生活的東西，因為這不符合他們對生活熱愛的看法。他們可能會確切地檢查為什麼這是客戶真正「喜歡」的東西，以及這對他們意味著什麼，但如果客戶的回應是真誠的，那麼Clearer必須簡單地接受這是一種合規性。
清除者有責任確保客戶理解並接受指示。如果這出錯，那麼迴圈在開始之前就崩潰了。如果第一次或第二次不起作用，那麼繼續努力讓它傳達是很重要的。這不一定是通過一次又一次地重複來實現的;這可能會使不理解的問題更加複雜，並且需要很長時間。如果他們不理解，就有必要找到另一種方法來傳達它。必須這樣做，直到很明顯該人已經得到指示並知道想要什麼。Clearer應該讓他們盡可能容易。然而，Clearer可能已經盡其所能來傳達它，但不確定它是否被理解。確保他們得到它的最簡單方法是客戶繼續並遵守。但他們可能需要一段時間要做到這一點，可能值得與他們一起檢查一下。Clearer會盡一切努力將想法或指示傳達給客戶，直到確定他們已經得到了它。
許多事情都可能出錯，即使有這個聽起來相對簡單的第一步。有很多陷阱的機會會破壞迴圈，意味著不會取得任何進展。一開始可能是錯誤的指示。如果正在處理的領域不是當時該人真正感興趣的領域，則會出現這種情況;然後，這項工作是違背穀物的，如果有的話，也不會有太大説明。
例如，如果客戶剛剛與她的老闆發生了激烈的爭吵，離開了她的工作，只能考慮後果，
那麼在這一點上繼續與她早已去世的母親溝通可能沒有説明。在回到另一個領域之前，Clearer需要看看當前的危機。如果犯了這個錯誤，而Clearer在面對最小的興趣時繼續耕耘，客戶將失去信心。他們可能仍然會盡最大努力遵守並完成工作，但實際上 Clearer 已經失去了他們。
這發生在一個來找我大約八次的客戶身上。事情越來越棘手，大約從第四節課開始，我離開時會感到沉重和困惑。我們似乎正在研究好的、相關的材料，但感覺就像我在與一些模糊的東西作鬥爭。第八節課後，我也很確定她不會回來，因為我們的結局如此平淡，她不確定下一次什麼時候有空。所以我得到了諮詢，真正關注我們之間發生的事情。
最後，令我寬慰的是，她確實回來了，所以在第九次會議開始時，我問她情況如何，到目前為止有什麼幫助，什麼沒有説明。我對她的回答感到非常吃驚。她告訴我，就在一開始的時候，她就提出了一個非常重要的問題，關於她最好的朋友的情況。但是，我沒有問她那段時間想做什麼，而是認為她丈夫的持續麻煩會是我們會看到的，我只是繼續這樣做。當時我認為這是一個合理的假設，因為他們之間的事情非常不穩定，他們剛剛發生了衝突。但實際上，她對她的朋友的問題感到非常困擾，並且非常想在會議上解決這個問題。雖然在隨後的五次會議中，我們顯然做了一些很好的工作，但現在我立即看到我們根本沒有取得太多進展，因為她已經不再相信這項工作，坐在那裡彬彬有禮，接受這一切並盡力而為，但真的很怨恨我，感覺被忽視了。
在第九節課開始時的那次演講之後，一切都變了。我真的明白這有什麼影響，並承認我犯了一個錯誤。我們之間的氣氛就在那時變得清晰起來，我們勇往直前，感覺
就像我們在一起工作。事實上，我感到非常感動，她足夠誠實地告訴我，而且我愚蠢到認為我最瞭解她。
當指令發出時，這個人可能沒有正確注意，而清除者沒有注意到或繼續前進，希望這個人能趕上。重要的是等到客戶的注意力就在那裡。
Michaela：當弗蘭克來找我參加課程時，他已經做了很多工作，特別是在啟蒙強化課程中，並且非常善於向內看。所以他清楚地知道他想做什麼，我認為沒有理由不繼續下去。所以我們直接投了進去。弗蘭克對這種格式很熟悉，所以我會去下達一個指令，比如“告訴我這個問題被抑制了什麼”，他會在我給出它的中途失去與我的眼神交流。通過觀察他，我非常確定這是因為他太渴望開始了，甚至在我完成教學之前，他就開始在裡面尋找回應。他很快就會回來一個深思熟慮的，有時甚至是強有力的回應。所以我犯了一個錯誤，假設一切都很好，並允許這種情況繼續下去。但大約30分鐘后，在我看來，能量已經耗盡了會議。我正在下達指令，他也在回應，一切看起來都很好，但我只是知道事實並非如此，我有一個想法，這是關於眼神交流的事情，因為它讓我有點困擾。我告訴自己沒關係，但確實如此。因此，我暫停了會議，並與弗蘭克談論了充分接受指導並在進入他體內尋求回應之前看著我的重要性。
他明白了，我們重新開始。這一次我下達了指示，弗蘭克留在我身邊，保持眼神交流，所以我知道，我可以立即感覺到不同。他只是在得到指示后才移開視線，然後他做了一些新的事情：他停下來真正接受指示並考慮回應。然後我得到的回復品質完全不同。他以前一直非常開放和清晰，但感覺
我們之間有真正的工作正在進行，現在的參與品質。結果，弗蘭克達到了比我認為如果我們像以前一樣繼續下去他會發現的更深層次的洞察力。在會議結束時，當我問他是否有任何評論時，他立即說他非常感謝我停止了它並澄清了該怎麼做。他說他已經對這種工作風格非常熟悉，以至於它變得有點自動，但是，當他等待聽到指示時，他立即覺得我想瞭解他。這讓他感到更加脆弱，但也被感動了，他說他發現自己想出了不同類型的回應，感覺它們更多的是對他來說真正真實的。
我們可能犯的另一個錯誤是沒有直接向我們面前的人說話。出於這個原因，我們可能不會注意到他們是否得到了它。幾乎任何事情都可能出錯;這可能超出了客戶當前理解或遵守的能力。這對他們來說甚至可能太容易了，所以他們遙遙領先並失去興趣。我們必須做很多事情才能使指令直截了當，並將其清楚地傳達給客戶。
You and me equals more than two
The clearing communication cycle can also be represented as a formula (Figure 6.1): the adding together of my ability in communication with your ability in communication adds up to more than either of us has on our own. So, if I have 6 units of ability in communicating and you have 2 units, then added together we have 8 units.
For the duration of a Mind Clearing session, a person will have more ability in communication than usual, maybe not as many as 8 units, but perhaps 6 units, which is double the person’s usual capacity. Progress can swiftly be made in session so that, when they go out into the world, they may not carry the full 6 units away with them, but even 4 or 5 units, as opposed to the usual 2 units, makes for a real change in the way they communicate. Life will improve.
Figure 6.1 The Clearing formula
All the other techniques Berner tested out, like remembering the past, drawing off the charge and taking responsibility, are important. Even without this formula in operation, people may feel better because they may have discharged some emotion and got themselves heard. This may amount to significant improvement, but it is still in the realm of mind. There will be no actual progress because the mind has not been dealt with through the expedient of improving the ability to communicate.
Working with Denis began with quite small steps. His confidence in getting himself across and being received were low, so we worked together on various relationships and situations in his life, each time taking it slowly to develop Denis’ ability to get himself across clearly. After
only a few sessions, he was feeling much more cheerful and looked forward to coming along. The cycles between us were going much better and a typical example was this one, when we were looking at his sense of purpose in life:
Clearer: Tell me something you do in life that you enjoy. Denis: Well, it may seem a bit silly, but I enjoy fishing.
Clearer: Thank you. Is there any more on that?
Denis: I don’t know, it seems so silly but really, yes, the truth is I feel really good when I’m fly-fishing down in Wales where I go on holiday. It’s the best thing in life. I love it.
Clearer: I got it, yes, thank you.
This may look like a small thing, but previously it had been very difficult for Denis to say anything positive about himself or his life and the cycles had taken a long time to complete. It was also hard to hear what I was saying, and even when he did, to believe I was actually interested in what he had to say. So he would give me an answer that was often not related to the instruction at all but which he believed would be more entertaining. He had an idea that he had to entertain people or they would not love him. We discussed this and that helped (later on we went back to that attitude and tackled it with great results), but what really worked for Denis at the time was to see that I wanted to know and that I cared enough to persist with him until I got a response to the instruction. Still further, acknowledging his response, when it was direct, even if it seemed mundane or ordinary to him, was astonishing to him. He said this after the session quoted from above:
I just want to say that this has been amazing. I never really said anything about the fishing to anyone much because I thought people would think I was really boring. But it’s really important to me. It’s when I feel most alive. And it feels so good to tell you and for you to be interested. Thank you. It really matters.
The first step: giving the instruction
What needs to happen for a clearing communication cycle to be successful is that a clear thought must be conveyed to another person such that they have a task to perform and know what they must do to comply.
…get clear on what you want the person that you are helping to do and to get that thought across to him so that that person understands it. When you do this the person then knows what you want him to do.5
We are vague in our conversation with people much of the time; it is not OK to be vague in this situation. The thought, as an instruction ideally, but maybe a question, must be conveyed to the client fully and wholeheartedly without drama or emphasis. The Clearer must also really want to know what the response is going to be.
For instance, if there is the clear thought to tell me something you regret (about a particular situation), then that entire thought needs to be straight in the Clearer’s mind before saying it. Then it should be delivered clearly and fully. It is important that the client understand and receive that thought fully, so the Clearer must do whatever it takes to achieve that end. They might first need to explain that they are going to give the instruction and, if necessary, why they have chosen that particular instruction and what it means, before giving it.
If you don’t know what you’re after, what can you possibly communicate to the [client] but confusion? If you get the question off of a piece of paper and deliver it to the [client] without a full understanding of it yourself, what the [client] will receive is just that: a bunch of words with some vague idea that it says on a sheet of paper that the [Clearer] should ask. That is the thought he will receive. He will actually get that thought, because that’s the thought you have.6
The precise expression is not what matters in getting the instruction across; the communication is what matters. Within that parameter the Clearer can use whatever it takes, as long as it is ethical, to get the
thought or instruction across to the other person. The thought and the language used to convey it must be precise. Imprecision in the use of language reflects unclear understanding. Patanjali says, ‘Verbal delusion arises when words do not track [real] objects.’7 We must take care and recognise our own non-understanding reflected in our language.
Other things can also go wrong in this first step. The Clearer must be genuinely open to whatever answer the client gives. There is no right answer; there is just the answer the client gives to the instruction, just as long as it is a clear response to that particular instruction or question. Having an idea of what the response should be is an error since it is not being open to how it actually is for that client.
Amanda was working with Matt on his relationship with his mother. Unpacking the difficulties it became clear that it could help to work with Matt’s strong feelings of anger and guilt. So she gave the instruction to him to ‘Tell me something you did to your mother you think you shouldn’t have done.’
She realised later that she had made a mistake right from the start. Something Matt had told her in a previous session, about his relationship with his mother, had stuck firmly in her mind and she had only semi-consciously thought that he must surely be carrying quite a lot of guilt around about the incident. It had been when he was a teenager and had been into drugs. On one occasion he had attacked his mother and injured her quite badly. She had had this in her mind when she gave the instruction. But this was something Matt had done wrong in her estimation. For all she knew, he did not think it was a bad thing, yet Amanda was expecting this to come up and was looking for it as a compliance. As a result, she was only half-open to what Matt was saying when it was not about this incident. She was not actually open to what was true for Matt and this became a problem until Amanda realised the restrictions she was putting on Matt’s responses. She had not been willing to draw that particular technique to a close when it would have been more useful to move on, because she was waiting for Matt to come up with this one thing.
Another problem can arise if the client gives a response that the Clearer does not agree is correct. In this case, too, the cycle will not be complete. For instance, if the Clearer gives the instruction, ‘Tell me something you love about life,’ and the client responds, ‘I love taking revenge on people at work and messing up their career prospects,’ this may be something the Clearer finds difficult to accept as something that anyone could really love about life, because it does not correspond to their views about what there is to love about life. They might check out exactly why that is something the client really ‘loves’ and what that means for them, but if the client is sincere in their response, then the Clearer must simply accept this as a compliance.
It is the Clearer’s responsibility to see that the client understands and receives the instruction. If this goes wrong, then the cycle is crashed before it begins. If it did not work the first or second time, then it is important to keep working on getting it across. That is not necessarily achieved by repeating it again and again; that may compound the problem of non-understanding and take a long time. If they do not understand, it will be necessary to find another way to get it across. This must be done until it is evident that the person has got the instruction and knows what is wanted of them. The Clearer should make this as easy for them as possible. However, the Clearer might have done what they could to get it across but not be certain whether or not it was understood. The easiest way of being sure they got it is that the client simply goes ahead and complies. But they might take a while to do this and it could be worth checking it out with them. The Clearer does what it takes to get the thought or instruction across to the client until it is certain they have got it.
Many things can go wrong, even with this relatively simple- sounding first step. There are numerous opportunities for pitfalls that will derail the cycle and mean no progress will be made. It might be the wrong instruction to begin with. This would be the case if the area being worked on is not really where the person’s interest is at that time; the work is then going against the grain and it will not help much, if at all.
For example, if the client has just had a blazing row with her boss and walked out of her job and can only think about the consequences,
then it may not be helpful to continue to work on her communication to her long-dead mother at that point. The Clearer would need to look at the current crisis before going back to the other area. If this mistake is made and the Clearer ploughs on in the face of minimal interest, the client will lose faith. They will probably still do their best to comply and do the work, but really the Clearer has lost them.
This happened with a client who had been coming to me for about eight sessions. The going had been increasingly sticky and, from about the fourth session, I would come away feeling heavy and confused. We would seem to be working on good, relevant material, but it felt like I was fighting something blurry. After the eighth session, I was also pretty sure she wouldn’t come back because we’d ended in such a flat way and she hadn’t been sure about when she’d be free next. So I got consultation and really focused on what was happening between us.
Finally, and to my relief, she did come back so, at the start of the ninth session, I asked her how things were going for her and what had helped and what hadn’t so far. I was quite taken aback by her response. She told me that right back near the start, she had brought a really important issue to the session about a situation with her best friend. But instead of asking her what she wanted to work on that time, I’d assumed the ongoing trouble with her husband would be what we would look at and I just went on ahead with that. At the time I thought it was a reasonable assumption to make, as things were quite rocky between them and they had just had a confrontation. But really she had felt very troubled by the issue with her friend and wanted badly to sort that out in the session. Although we’d apparently done some good work in the subsequent five sessions, I could immediately see now that we hadn’t got anywhere much at all because she’d stopped believing in the work and was sitting there being polite, going along with it all and trying her best, but really resenting me and feeling unheard.
After that talk at the start of session nine, everything changed. I really understood what effect this had had and admitted I’d made a mistake. The atmosphere between us clarified right then and we forged ahead and it really
felt like we were working together. I felt very moved, in fact, humbled that she’d been honest enough to tell me and also that I’d been fool enough to think I knew best for her.
The person might not be paying attention properly when the instruction is delivered and the Clearer did not notice or went ahead anyway hoping the person would catch up. It is important to wait until the client’s attention is right there.
Michaela: When Frank came to me for sessions he’d already done a lot of work, especially in Enlightenment Intensives, and was very well practised at looking inside. So he came along with a clear idea of what he wanted to work on and I saw no reason not to go ahead with that. So we plunged right in. Frank was familiar with the format, so I would go to give an instruction like, ‘Tell me what was suppressed in that problem,’ and he would lose eye contact with me halfway through me giving it. I was pretty sure from observing him that this was because he was so eager to get going that he was starting to look inside for a response even before I’d finished the instruction. He would quite quickly come back with a considered and sometimes powerful response. So I made a mistake and assumed all was well and allowed this to continue. But after about 30 minutes, it seemed to me that the energy had gone out of the session. I was giving instructions and he was responding, and it all looked OK but I just knew it wasn’t and I had an idea it was something about that eye contact because it was bothering me a bit. I’d told myself it didn’t matter, but it did. So I paused the session and spoke to Frank about the importance of receiving the instruction fully and looking at me before going inside himself for a response.
He understood and we started again. This time I gave the instruction and Frank stayed with me, holding eye contact so I knew and I could feel the difference immediately. He only looked away when he’d got the instruction and then he did something new: he paused to really take the instruction in and to consider the response. The quality of responses I then got was quite different. He had been perfectly open and clear before, but it felt like
there was real work going on between us and a quality of engagement now. As a result, Frank reached a much deeper level of insight than I think he would have found had we carried on as before. At the end of the session, when I asked if he had any comments, he immediately said how grateful he was that I’d stopped it when I had and clarified what to do. He said he’d become so familiar with the style of work that it had become a bit automatic, but, when he waited to hear the instruction, he instantly felt like I wanted to know about him. This made him feel more vulnerable but also touched and he said he found himself coming up with different kinds of responses that felt like they were much more about what was really true for him.
Another error we can make is not addressing ourselves straight to the individual in front of us. For this reason as well, we might not notice whether they got it or not. Almost anything can go wrong; it might be beyond the client’s current ability to understand or to comply. It might even be too easy for them, so they are way ahead and lose interest. There is a lot we have to get right in getting the instruction straight and getting it across to the client clearly.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)